would you rather become parapalegic or win the lottery? (natural v. synthetic happiness)

This week my brother sent me an interesting talk on happiness given by Harvard Psychology Professor Dan Gilbert. He's also the author of the book Stumbling on Happiness, which I just added to my GoodReads.com to-read list. For those of you who don't feel like watching the whole clip, that's what I'm here for :-)

Basic premise: Our "psychological immune system" lets us feel truly happy even when things don’t go as planned.

Gilbert begins by explaining that the prefrontal cortex -- which developed over time as human brains grew larger -- allows people to "have experiences in their heads, before they try them out in real life." More generally, the basic functions of the prefrontal cortex relate to abilities to:

• differentiate among conflicting thoughts
• determine good and bad, better and best, same and different
• think through the future consequences of current activities
• work toward a defined goal
• "predict" expected outcomes, based on actions
• exhibit social "control" (suppress urges that, if not suppressed, could lead to socially-unacceptable outcomes)

Of course, there are some glitches associated with these abilities...we are human after all. One of these is the notion of impact bias, which is the tendency for the simulator (prefrontal cortex) to make us believe that different outcomes (for example, getting or not getting job X) are more different than they actually are. In actuality, different outcomes tend to have less impact, intensity, duration than people expect them to have. A really interesting example given in the talk is the choice between becoming a paraplegic and winning the lottery. Pretty much all of us would go for the money!! But, a year after becoming paraplegic/winning the lottery, the two groups of people had generally the same level of happiness! Somewhat surprisingly, studies of
the experience of major life traumas suggest that if it happened over 3 months ago (with some exceptions) it has almost no impact. 

Now for the crux of it all....it turns out that happiness can be synthesized. We each have a psychological immune system that helps us change our views on the world so we can feel better about the world we find ourselves in. This reminds me a lot of Gretchen Rubin's commandment to Act the way you want to feel. Basically, "by acting as if you feel a certain way, you induce that emotion in yourself." Try it sometime!! Right now, for example. If you think to yourself, what a great day...and walk around like you're the ish...chances are you'll feel like your day is indeed a great one!

(Aside - this may not always work lol...Some friends of Nix and mine came to visit last year and I randomly stuck a post-it note on the door a few days earlier that said "today is gonna be a great day"...i thought it would be nice to leave home every day with that in mind...so the two friends go outside to move their car from our lot -- which is permit-only parking, btw -- and on the way out one of them reads my post-it and says aloud "it already has been!!"...2 minutes later we get a call from them that they can't find their car...it got towed!!! LOLOL....now i know you're wondering how this is funny....but actually it still ended up being a great day...we had quite an adventure going to get the car and doing other fun stuff...moral of the story...ish happens, get over it we're not victims of the world, we're victims of the way we view the world...so don't be a victim!...or something like that...whatever you take away from this story, it's one of my favorite memories and we still crack up thinking about it. )

Ok, back to Gilbert's talk. The idea of synthesized happiness is that we think it is a thing to be found, but really we can make our own happiness. We can synthesize happiness.

• natural happiness - what we get when we get what we want
• synthetic happiness - what we make when we don't get what we want

We all believe natural happiness is more valuable/better than synthetic happiness. Actually, when we want something more, we may even like it less...because want does not equal like, and vice versa. An interesting concept related to this is paradox of choice. Gilbert asserts that "freedom to choose is the enemy of synthetic happiness." Apparently, our psychological immune system works best when we can't choose, when we are stuck with a certain good/situation....you find a way to be happy with what's happened or what you've received. When life gives you lemons...

Gilbert does concede, however, that some things are better than others and we should have preferences...but when they drive us too hard and fast because we've overrated the difference between futures/outcomes we're at risk (for disappointment, discontent, unhappiness). He adds that longings and worries are both to some degree overblown, because we have ability to manufacture the thing we're constantly chasing when we choose between experiences.


This whole discussion also reminds me of the arrival fallacy, which Gretchen Rubin also talks about in her book/blog. Tal Ben-Shahar, a prominent positive psychologist, explains this as the belief that once you arrive at a certain destination, you'll be happy. We think: "if i could just X, everything would be perfect, i'd be happy, etc." Actually, arriving rarely makes you as happy as you anticipate :-/

It seems that working toward a goal can be a more powerful source of happiness than achieving it. (I know postpartum depression is complicated, but anyone else see the link here?) Finishing or accomplishing something can sometimes be a letdown. With all this in mind, try to focus on happiness in the present, in the atmosphere of growth afforded by making gradual progress toward a goal (pre-goal attainment positive affect).This can be difficult when the thing you're waiting for is something like a job. Obviously, worrying about where your income will come from is a huge boon to happiness, but for argument's sake, let's say we're talking about other sorts of goals. (For me, this idea applies to my grad school plans.)

Bottom line here: Don't be a victim. You can synthesize your own happiness. Nourish your psychological immune system like you would your biological immune system. Enjoy Now. 


Today's *big chune* is from one of the sickest riddims of all time - drop leap riddim. OMG there are sooo many big chunes on this riddim! Intoxication by German reggae artist Gentlemen is one of my favs. Btw, how awesome/crazy is it that this dude is straight German and has cred as an authentic conscious reggae artist?!


:-D
 

beauty of the butterfly

Yesterday i had a conversation with an acquaintance that really drained me...actually most of the conversations i have with this person drain me...this is probably why i refer to them as an acquaintance rather than a friend (lol). In any case, we were discussing several things - including my relationship status (willingly and happily single, whereas when we first met 2 years ago i was interested in being in a relationship - not with them, just generally), career status (in flux - waiting for school decisions), and religious views (don't really have any, whereas before i identified as a Christian)...and they were noting how these things have changed over the time I have known them (and to some degree, over the few years before this - as i have told them a bit about my college experiences). This person proceeded to ask me (somewhat rudely IMO, but that's their M.O.) whether there is anything in my life and/or about me that has remained constant over the past few years.

Of course this caught me off-guard and actually kind of rubbed me the wrong way. After a second to think, I sort of brushed aside their comment by saying that as a 23-year old I don't feel I'm much different (in that regard) from most other people in my age group/life stage category. I'm not the same person I was in high school, my freshman year of college, or even last year. The experiences I've had have shaped me into the person I am right now at this moment...but I don't expect that the person I am right now is necessarily who I will be in the future. I still have a lot to learn and a lot of growing left. Actually, I think that's part of life...continually adjusting to where you are in your life, and (while certain personality traits may stay constant) shifting the way you see yourself and interact with your environment.

All of this got me thinking about one of my favorite psychology subjects -- Erik Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development -- which is one of the best-known theories of personality in psychology. Much like Freud, Erikson believed that personality develops in a series of stages; however, unlike Freud’s theory of psychosexual stages, Erikson's theory describes the impact of social experience across the whole lifespan. This concept seems much more applicable to me than the concept that (for example) issues with potty training can spill over into later life.

One of the main elements of Erikson’s psychosocial stage theory is the development of ego identity - the conscious sense of self that we develop through social interaction. According to Erikson, our ego identity is constantly changing due to new experience and information we acquire in our daily interactions with others. In addition to ego identity, Erikson believed that a sense of competence also motivates behaviors and actions. Each stage in Erikson’s theory is concerned with becoming competent in an area of life. In each stage, Erikson believed people experience a "conflict" that serves as a turning point in development. These conflicts are centered on either developing, or failing to develop, a psychological quality.

Each of the stages are very interesting, but I'm just going to highlight the three that I think are most applicable to me/people my age.

Psychosocial Stage 5 - Identity vs. Confusion (or Diffusion)

• During adolescence, children are exploring their independence and developing a sense of self.
• Those who receive proper encouragement and reinforcement through personal exploration will emerge from this stage with a strong sense of self and a feeling of independence and control.
• Those who remain unsure of their beliefs and desires will insecure and confused about themselves and the future.

Psychosocial Stage 6 - Intimacy vs. Isolation

• This stage covers the period of early adulthood when people are exploring personal relationships.
• Erikson believed it was vital that people develop close, committed relationships with other people. Those who are successful at this step will develop relationships that are committed and secure. 
• Because each step builds on skills learned in previous steps, Erikson believed that a strong sense of personal identity was important to developing intimate relationships. Studies have demonstrated that those with a poor sense of self tend to have less committed relationships and are more likely to suffer emotional isolation, loneliness, and depression.

Psychosocial Stage 7 - Generativity vs. Stagnation

• During adulthood, we continue to build our lives, focusing on our career and family.
• Those who are successful during this phase will feel that they are contributing to the world by being active in their home and community. Those who fail to attain this skill will feel unproductive and uninvolved in the world.

The most interesting thing to me about the Human Growth and Development course I took last semester (night class at community college) was learning and thinking about these stages. In particular, I was able to incorporate them into a paper I wrote on mixed-race identity development. The stage of identity versus role confusion is especially salient for people of mixed racial/ethnic/cultural heritage because we tend to shift our identities more (over the lifespan) than monoracial individuals. I know this from experience. My "mixed-ness" is a subject that deserves its own post, so for now suffice it to say that my racial identity has definitely been a shifting area for me...something that I reflect on often and give a lot of thought to...(heck, i want to study mixed-race identity in grad school!)...and something that has subsequently influenced my overall identity and sense of self. Though the above bullet points discuss identity versus confusion as applying to adolescence, these stages are not like clockwork...so people achieve identity at different points in their lives. While I do think I have a strong sense of self right now, I don't know that I feel 100% about who I am and what I'm about. It's still something I'm figuring out. (For the record, this is not solely about being biracial, and i'm not going through an identity crisis.) Which is fine, because Erikson saw the stages as a continuum, with identity and confusion at opposing ends. (I love when people leave room for the grey area hehe). So, less than 100% is perfectly ok.

At the same time, I do think that it's important to have a firm grasp on one stage before venturing to the next one. Having said that, I don't at all think I suffer from emotional isolation, loneliness, or depression (as listed above as a negative consequence of identity confusion/diffusion)...nope, not at all! But it is interesting to think about how this may influence my moving on to Stage 6 - intimacy versus isolation...dun dun dun!! (quite a dramatic stage title, no?) I'll probably write about that at some point...don't feel like it at the moment.

Now for my initial comment about how I see lots of interconnection in my life. This morning Nix forwarded me the Real Simple Quote of the day (which I also subscribe to, but she wanted to bring it to my attention):
 “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”

When I read this quote, I had sort of already been thinking about today's blog post, but after reading it I was further inspired. It really helps to think of the stages of metamorphosis that the caterpillar goes through to become the butterfly...just like we all go through transitions and transformations over the course of our lives to become the people we are (or will be). Unlike the butterfly, however, I don't think we ever get to an ultimate end result (unless you consider that to be whoever you are right before you die). Instead, I'd like to think of it more like we become butterflies and then perhaps our wing patterns change depending on our surroundings. (That's obviously not biologically/scientifically sound but just roll with me, mmk?)

Lots to ponder!!

Today's *big chune* is from British singer Adele...I love her voice and her music...of course, I had a hard time choosing which song to highlight today, but I went with Right as Rain because it's a fun song, after such a reflective and personal post. She'll definitely show up again

thoughts about faith, religion, spirituality

The other night I went to see the movie The Book of Eli. It was pretty good and of course thought-provoking. Without giving anything away, the movie is set sometime in the future (something like 30 or so yrs from now I guess) after maybe a nuclear war or something (the audience was left to fill in a lot of the details lol)...anyway, the planet (or is it just the US?) is basically destroyed and the population that is alive is largely composed of (what we would consider) uncivilized illiterates. There is no law, order, government...essentially no society of which to speak.

Ok it's hard not to give too much away if I want to discuss it meaningfully...so if you haven't seen it and you plan to, just read this after you watch it ;-)

The movie follows Denzel Washington as he travels West on his mission to keep The Book (which we discover is The Bible) protected and deliver it to where it will be safe/appreciated. It's the last Bible left on the planet! The evil dude in the movie wants to use it in an "opiate of the masses" type way, while Denzel simply wants to keep it safe and let it's teachings live on...but by the end of the movie he realizes that by trying so hard to protect it, he hasn't actually been sharing the word with anyone....etc. etc. ...you get the point. There are some interesting parallels with the state of religion today. In particular, at one point a character asks Denzel why all the other Bibles were destroyed, and he responds that some people thought the Bible was the reason for the war in the first place....interesante no?


Another interesting point that my friend brought up is that when Denzel finally reaches his destination, The Bible (which actually ended up being transcribed based on Denzel's memorization of it, since the evil dude gets the real copy of the Bible) is added to a bookshelf along with other works of literature...and placed alongside The Qur'an, The Torah, and the other books of religious teachings. A strong point in such a seemingly insignificant few seconds of the movie.


After the movie, we ended up on the subject of our own faith...mine in particular, b/c I already knew where he stands on the subject. To sum up, I'm at a place right now where I simply don't know what i believe. That may sound crazy, but if you recall I'm a very grey-area kinda gal. It's honestly not a part of my life that I've given much thought recently. I grew up in a Christian household...going to church and Sunday School most weeks. I have a good knowledge of the Bible. In college, I was in the Gospel Choir and went to church almost weekly (by choice obviously). I stopped going to church right around the time I graduated from GTown and haven't gotten back into the practice since.

At this point in my life, I don't consider myself to be religious. Actually, to be honest, I am wary of people who are "religious." I've been so turned of my organized religion that I just don't know what to make of it all. Hypocritical Christians - those who don't quite seem to live up to the lives they "should" (based on teachings) - have sort of ruined Christianity for me. Now, I realize that we "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," so I'm not talking about those Christians who are striving for a good life and realize their failings...I'm talking more about those judgmental, holier-than-thou Christians who believe they are better than the next person, simply because they believe in God and attend church service on a regular basis.

I think what it boils down to is that I don't feel sufficiently convinced that Christianity is the "right" or "only" way to incorporate faith and spirituality into one's life. I also think spirituality is something deeply personal that should be the result of reflection and education, rather than one's upbringing. In other words, I don't want to be a Christian simply because my parents are. When I feel ready/inspired, I want to familiarize myself with the different faiths/religious teachings of the world. Should I be a Christian simply because I am and English-speaking American? I say no. I should be "fill-in-the-blank" because of a conscious decision on my part, not by default.

Having said all this, I don't yet feel that inspiration to figure all this out. It's interesting that I saw this movie recently and am writing this post because a friend of my sister just wrote a post on her site related to the subject. After reading The Happiness Project (due to Nix's recommendation), she is left wondering whether Gretchen Rubin is missing something --> a spiritual component to her quest. (Aside - It's funny how people can read the same thing and have different take-aways...I think this is why joining a book-club would be super interesting! Maybe I'll work on that...) Anywho, this got me thinking even more. Plus, a few weeks ago, a friend of mine saw a similar gap in the discussion of happiness, and suggested I read the book Have a Little Faith, by Mitch Albom. I read his book The Five People You Meet in Heaven and really liked it, so I definitely will check it out. Maybe even this weekend...seems like there are a lot of "signs" nudging me to explore the issue. (Btw, I'm always looking for book recommendations, so let me know if you have any - on this or any subject.) Thoughts??

On a random not-exactly--related note, check out this blog post on Freakonomics about parents who "fake" Christianity for the sake of their kids.

For today's *big chune* I'm going with the theme again. Up until I lost my ipod I still had some Gospel songs on it, because I think the music is beautiful and I appreciate the message. There are some amazing gospel songs that do give me a goose-bump feeling. (btw, it's really hard for me to pick these, because it's like I'm picking a favorite song, which I am terrible at.) Today's song is from the Kurt Carr Singers, called For Every Mountain...I wish I knew the woman's name cuz she kills this song!!


:-)
  

"don't call us, we'll call you"...or not

I forgot to mention in my post yesterday how happy I am that the weather is starting to warm up! For the first time in a while I was able to leave home without a big jacket....all I needed was a long sleeved tee and a hoodie...The sun was shining...I even heard birds chirping! IMMD :-)

Last week I subscribed to the Psychology Times blog. I'm liking it so far, but there are way too many posts per day...so after traveling this weekend I had to hit the dreaded "Mark all as read" button. (It stresses me out when I have hundreds of unread bolded items in my Reader lol.) One article did pop out at me though. Sophia Dembling, who writes regularly for PT and has her own section, The Introvert's Corner, wrote about how much she hates the phone. I feel her on this lol. (btw, I'm a big fan of her blog; I plan to do some follow-up posts on introversion, and the introverted life.)

In middle/high school when everyone was chatting it up with boys all night, I wasn't. Just wasn't my thing. It still isn't. I find it very forced/annoying. I was in a LDR and to be perfectly honest, the nightly phone calls weren't exactly the highlight of my day...it had nothing to do with the person per se...it just felt like a task/chore/obligation :-/ Don't get me wrong, I can enjoy conversations with the same people in person, I just don't like the phone. At least email/im/texting allows you the ability to multitask, and removes the pressure to have nonstop communication during the course of the conversation. Plus, I don't really care exactly what you're doing/eating/watching, what you just did/ate, what you are going to do/eat/watch...you get the point. I hope this doesn't come across sounding harsh, but it is what it is.

And just so you know it really is a phone thing, Nix and I don't even do well over the phone. When she has gone home for the past two summers and I have stayed in DC, we talk maybe once a week...If that! And for like 10 minutes at a time. If we can't even maintain a phone-based relationship, that's not a good sign for anyone else lol. There are a few slight exceptions to this rule. I have almost weekly calls w/ one of my besties from Gtown. We also sometimes randomly check in via email/text. Other than that, I have my Sunday afternoon calls w/ Pops, the random checkins from Mommy, and the once-in-a-while times I stalk my other sis who still lives back in STT. I rarely talk to my brothers on the phone. Actually, a few weeks back the youngest of my 3 older brothers called me to shoot the breeze and I had to ask to make sure he hadn't called just to ask (for) something. hehe.

Anywho, back to the article. The author shares some of her reasons (text is copied, not my words) for hating the phone:

• The phone is intrusive. It rings and we are expected to tear our minds away from whatever they were focusing on and refocus on whoever is on the other end of the line and whatever he or she has to say. This makes my brain hurt. My mind doesn't change direction easily.

• Most phone calls are chit-chatty rather than deep. And we all agree: introverts don't like chit-chat. I have one friend who starts every call by asking, "Whatcha you doin'?" I have no idea how to answer, except with "Nuthin'" or "Workin'" or "Cleaning the schumtz out of my computer keyboard." And I can't imagine that any of these answers could interest her, so the call immediately feels awkward. I do have friends with whom phone conversations get deep and I enjoy those, but they require a block of time. When that kind of call ambushes me, it derails my whole day. I try to schedule them--and even so, a certain amount of bullet biting is necessary for me to keep the appointment.

• Introverts tend to be slow thinkers and responders and long pauses don't go over well on the phone. If I am on the phone with a talkative person, I struggle to get my say. I end up doing a lot of listening and uh-huhing. After a while, I get bored.

• It can be difficult to focus a busy, busy introvert mind on the abstraction that is telephone conversation. Listening to one thing and seeing something else is a lot of sensory input piled on top of everything that's already going on in our heads. This is exhausting and my mind often drifts back into itself; I have to force it back to the conversation.

I basically agree with her reasons. I am somewhat ashamed (but not really) to admit that I am one of those people who sometimes "silences" a phone call rather than picking up, even when I'm not technically busy (it's better than pressing the "ignore" button though, right?!). I've done this to everyone under the sun, so really not a reason to be offended.

Some people are 'phone people.' I really think Roomie is a phone person even though she denies it lol. I am not a phone person...and making this clear to people helps me help them understand how i operate. What about you guys? Are any of you phone people? Are there certain people you can/can't 'do the phone' with? What are your preferred modes of communication?

For today's *big chune* I wanted to go with something related to the post. The first song that popped into my head was Alicia Keys' How Come You Don't Call Me?....but I think New Edition's Mr. Telephone Man is way more fun...I was at Jin (lounge in DC) one time and they played this...IMMD!


:-D

UT visit recap

Howdy yall! See, I'd fit right in at UT ;-)


I got back yesterday from my interview visit to UT. Overall, the experience was definitely a positive one. Out of a pool of around 180 applicants (they average 150-200 each year), they selected around 30 of us to come and meet the faculty.


First up, we had a welcome event with current and prospective students. I had to totally set aside any shy tendencies I have...I simply walked up to the first person I saw and introduced myself. (That's basically what I did all weekend lol.) The actual interviews (we each had 3 interviews with a member of the faculty) were pretty informal and felt more like conversations than interviews. The "important" interview was the one with the faculty whose research interests most closely aligned to mine (which, btw, is looking at the experience and impact of racial/ethnic identity development for individuals of mixed-race or mixed-culture background). It turns out that he was biracial as well! Obviously I don't expect this to help/harm me either way, but it was a nice coincidence. He seemed very interested in the subject.


I really enjoyed meeting the current and prospective students. I didn't get to see too much of the city, but I saw a bit of the campus - which is straight up huuuuge! Over 50,000 students; over 300 acres.


Now that I've interviewed it's more waiting. While I feel good about how the interviews went, I don't by any means feel that my acceptance is a sure thing. They should be announcing admission decisions within the next 1-2 weeks....but it's somewhat complicated because an offer could be made to someone who decides not to accept, which would open back up that spot.


I have my other interview 2 weeks from this Friday. I will definitely be disappointed (not to mention embarrased lol) if I don't get into any of the grad schools, but I understood from the beginning that this was going to be a stretch. In any case, I'm proud of how far I've gotten in the process, and all I can do is hope for the best. Que sera, sera!



Today's *big chune* comes from reggae artist Tessane Chin, most well-known for another serious big chune "Hideaway" . She was on my mind because she does lead vocals in the new Haiti tribute song by Caribbean artists. This one is called "Messenger."



:-D
 

Posting from my phone. My interviews went well. Back to DC manana. I'll write more then :)

Austin here I come!

Hey yall!

No real post today...I'm getting ready to head out to Austin for my first grad school interview....yikes! Hopefully I'll have some good news to share sometime soon. I don't expect that I'll be blogging while I'm out there, so look for the next post on Saturday or Sunday....Holla!

today's *big chune* is pretty fitting....it's called "Closer" by Goapele. Love this song...and if you're looking for more good Goapele, check out "First Love" another big chune. By the way, she's also mixed lol...mother is Jewish, father is South African :-)

i want to be a know-it-all ...

...(or at least a know-a-lot)

Every time I learn something (is it redundant to say "learn something new"?), I have two main reactions: 1) happiness that i now know something i previously had not known and 2) worry (worry is a sort of a strong word, i just can't think of what comes right below it in the emotion hierarchy) about how much more i still don't know! Nix (read in an article and) told me just the other day that young people today are exposed to more information in a day than our grandparents were in a whole year....uhm, is that mind-boggling to anyone else??!


While I consider myself generally well-informed and knowledgeable about a good many things, I still can't help but feeling overwhelmed by the vast amount of information that exists. I realize this may sound crazy, but oh well. How did this come up?

I'm sitting here at work, reading through some documents on Social Security Reform for an upcoming paper we are supposed to write. (By the way, nothing is happening with SS reform, in case you are wondering...soooo basically I am doing lots of reading and "monitoring" and who knows whether anything will come of it. Oh well, I'm learning!) Most people our age have no reason to know or be especially concerned about this, but every year the Social Security Administration adjusts SS benefits to account for changes in the cost of living (related to inflation). In 2009, there was no Cost-of-Living-Adjustment...not because the SSA was being stingy, but because prices had dropped during the recession, effectively increasing the real purchasing power of SS benefits by around $700. In fact, during the recession, seniors actually saw their incomes "rise" as those for working-age households fell...I know what you're thinking....tell that to the old people who can't afford to pay their bills :-/ President Obama was thinking that too (lol), so he had proposed a $250 payments to all retirees...politically a good idea, not so much from an economicists' POV...but if Larry Summers were to be like "eh, I don't know Barack, that's not economically sound"...how do you think that would have been received by the general public?


Anyway, all of this is to say that when I read things like this, it reaffirms my resolve to be fully informed about something before taking a strong stance on it. I'm pretty indecisive (btw, research suggests that indecisive individuals utilize more information when trying to make a decision compared to decisive individuals LOL), and I tend not to see black/white, right/wrong on most issues....this is frustrating to some people (I'm thinking of one person in particular, and we don't get along at all lol) but it is really hard for me to be absolute about issues - especially hot-button issues like creation/evolution, religion, war, abortion, affirmative action, etc.(basically most things that involved "taking sides").


I actually used to be even more evasive about getting into "issue discussions." When I really think about it, I realize that my fear of ignorance/being wrong has a ton to do with this....this, in turn, fed into my shyness years ago (I wouldn't say I'm shy anymore). I grew up in a family with 3 super-smart, super-opinionated older brothers. Honestly, I was intimidated by this and I avoided (I sort of still do lol) getting involved in their heated conversations. The older and more educated/informed I've gotten, the more confident (in general, not just about conversations) and less shy I've gotten. I realized the two are correlated for me. Now, I love talking to people about a range of topics, because for the most part I believe that I am able to add something meaningful to the conversations. It's a great feeling.


When I was at GTown, I remember a professor talking about how being an "expert" simply means that you know more than the average person about a certain topic. I used to think of being an expert as some sort of unattainable title, fit only for geniuses. This isn't really the case. One of my goals in life is to become an expert in something(s).  This is why I follow so many blogs and make such an effort to be informed. I enjoy knowing things and being able to share them with others. When people comment on my "knowing things" and "informedness" (yes, i'm aware that's not a real word), it makes my day :-)

I hope one day I'll be an expert in some specific area of Psychology, but I'd also like to be an expert in something fun, like Positivity, or Autobiographical Literature, or baking...or needle point (lol).

What about yall? Do you ever feel overwhelmed by how much there is to know...and daunted by a sense of how much you don't know? (Or is it just me?) Do you strive to be an expert in something? Maybe you already are? Other thoughts?

Today's *big chune* is the song that initially made me fall in love with Chrisette Michele: Like a Dream. I LOVE this song!! She's on my mind because yesterday I got tickets to see her when she comes to DC (at the 9:30 club) next Tuesday...with Laura Izibor, who was yesterday's big chune...YAY! Anyone else going?


 :-D
 

end of the blog challenge

So today is Day 30 of my 30-day blog challenge! And aside from the day I technically posted after midnight (which I am still counting as a post for the day before) I met my challenge. Go me, go me. lol. Anyway, I am really happy that I started this blog and have been posting every day for the past month.


About a week ago I signed up for Google Analytics, which allows you to look at traffic to your blog. Not only is it sort of confusing, and not really that informative (IMO, or maybe I was just lazy with it), I realized that I don't really care whether 5 people or 500 people read my blog unless I could make some money out of this, that would be sweeeet. I'm basically writing this for myself....because it's something I've been wanting to do. At the same time, it is so encouraging when people let me know (whether in the comments section, or privately) that they enjoy reading my blog....it makes my day ;-)

One person told me they like reading because, in a way, it makes them feel more connected to me, since we don't talk on a daily basis. Two other friends caught up to the blog somewhat late and emailed me with responses to almost every post I had written. Things like this really mean a lot to me, and make me feel good about writing...thank you so much! I've really enjoyed posting so far, and I plan to continue to write on pretty much a daily basis. I hope yall will continue to read :-) By the way, for those of you who don't use Google Reader, what is wrong with you? didn't you read this post? you can now subscribe to get email alerts every time I post something new....just use the box to the left. Also for those of you who don't use a Reader, you can still see the items I am sharing, look to the left side of the blog page and you can see my most recently shared items.


On another note, today as I was sitting at my desk, looking at the forecast for the next 10 days, I thought back to a few days ago when I was sitting in B&N with Nix and Roomie and asked them where on St. Thomas, they would rather be. While pretty much anywhere on a tropical island beats DC right now (lol), I picked a very specific spot. All the way at the West end of the island there is an area called Botany Bay. It used to be private homes (or maybe a hotel?), but developers have since bought it (like they buy every other good parcel on the island) and are doing whatever developers do with it. Anywho, since my pops knows everyone and their mother on the island, we somehow were able to go down there (this was before the developers bought it) and spend a day enjoying it. It is super secluded because it's as far west on the island as you can go. Anyway, there is a little neck of land that connects the main land mass to another tiny tiny island...it's kinda crazy but it's basically like a strip of sand with a beach shore on either side...and the sick thing is that one side is the Atlantic Ocean and one side is the Caribbean Sea.

View Larger Map
You can literally walk a few steps across the sand and be in either one. Obviously this is a geographic technicality, but I think it's pretty cool :-)


Anyway all of that rambling was to say: I'd love to be somewhere warm right about now!! Good thing I have some higher temperatures in my upcoming travels this weekend: yay!


I really wanted today's big chune to be "Stand Firm" by Lutan Fyah, but I can't find it on youtube :-/ Maybe I have the wrong song name...anyone know the song I'm talking about and whether it's called something else? Oh well. Instead, today's *big chune* is from up-and-coming artist Laura Izibor. She's half-Irish, half-Nigerian which obviously makes me like her even more lol. Her song From My Heart To Yours got some play, but I don't think she's really gotten much publicity in the US yet. Here's her song and video for "Don't Stay":



:-D
  

what it means to be an introvert

Blog Challenge Day 29

One of the most interesting aspects of personality is introversion versus extroversion. It's also a lot easier to "get" that someone is an introvert or extrovert, than whether they are a "thinker" or a "feeler." At the same time, the issue of introversion vs. extroversion also carries its own misunderstandings.

While we all use both our introverted and extroverted skills, we're hardwired to be more one than the other. "Introverts" merely have a preference for the introverted function, but there is no implication that one preference is "better" than the other. 

I am an introvert, remember :-) (If you're not sure whether you have introverted personality traits, try this test for introversion.) And while I definitely feel like an introvert, some people are surprised to hear this because they think of introverts as being shy/aloof, maybe even awkward. I actually used to be pretty shy, but I don't think I am anymore. I'm definitely an introvert though!

Swiss Psychiatrist Carl Jung -- "the Father of psychological types" -- explained introversion as an "attitude-type" in which a person tends to focus inward, and derive their energy from going within to their own thoughts, rather than from external sources, such as people and events. Our society is predominantly extroverted, however. According to various sources, Introverts account for anywhere from 25-40% of the population...and we tend to regard any majority as "normal" and a minority as "different." So, Introverts are often viewed anywhere from "a bit different" to "defective and antisocial." The terms "loner," "aloof" and "snobbish" are also often used in connection with introverts. Basically, there just seems to be a negative connotation associated with being an introvert.

So today's post is about introversion...explaining what it is and what it isn't. 

I really like this summary:

• Introverts think. We think a lot....Sometimes we like thinking more than talking or socializing. Sometimes we like to think too much. I definitely think a lot. I'm very introspective. I get "lost in thought" all the time. An introvert's personality traits aren't necessarily tentative or hesitant, but introverts do prefer to think before they act. When introverts are ready they take action! I definitely identify with this.
• Introverts can be entertained by their own thoughts. You might think of this as "intertainment". LOL. I like that word.  
• Introverts are not dependent on having other people around to keep themselves amused. You'll rarely hear me say that I'm bored. Some people may find a quiet day/night at home to be unbearable, but I love to spend time like that.  
• Introverts find interaction with other people to be tiring or draining after a period of time. Extroverts generally feel happy and energized around other people and they "wilt" without interaction with other people.
• Introverts usually need time to "recharge" their internal batteries after being around other people. Time alone watching TV, reading a book, listening to music, or otherwise contemplating things in solitude will refresh the introvert.

To clear up a few misconceptions about introverts:

• Introverts do like other people, usually in moderation.  LOL - this seems pretty dramatic (it's not my language).  
• Introverts do have feelings. In many cases they have very powerful feelings, but they may tend to process them in solitude. 
• Introversion is not the same thing as shyness. Shy people are afraid of interacting with other people, probably due to a lack of self-confidence and comfort, but at the same time they crave love and affection. Introverts aren't afraid of interacting with other people and they aren't afraid to speak their mind when needed. As a general tendency, however, introverts tend to prefer small groups. This very much applies to me. Some introverts aren't stereotypically shy and can strike up conversations with anyone. Introverts can find small talk easy but tiring – and sometimes boring. They'd rather have meaningful conversations about the depths of human souls and minds (lol). I like to explain this by using the example of being at a party or social event. You definitely won't find me in the middle of all the action. I'm more likely to be having a conversation with one person or a small group. 
• Introverts are not all alike. Extroverts are not all alike. It's possible to have a mix of introverted and extroverted personality traits. It's possible to have a slight tendency towards one or the other. It's also possible to be strongly oriented toward introversion or extroversion.

Here are some more info points:

• introverts have an inward focus and aren't usually the life of the party
• they have a strong sense of self that can make them feel highly self-conscious around other people – making walking into a crowded room a little nerve-wracking
• introverts have a hard time being goofy in front of the camera and telling jokes to more than a couple of people at a time, but they can be extremely witty. 

But that doesn't mean introverts' personality traits are neurotic.

• introverts process their emotions, thoughts, and observations internally
• they can be social people, but reveal less about themselves than extroverts do
• introverts are more private, and less public
• introverts need time to think before responding to a situation, and develop their ideas by reflecting privately
• introverts' personality traits can be passionate, but not usually aggressive.
• introverts can focus their attention more readily and for longer periods of time, and they aren't easily swayed by other people's opinions.

According to Laney, author of The Introvert Advantage, there are several advantages to being an introvert: 

• work well with others, especially in one-to-one relationships
• maintain long-term friendships
• flexible
• independent
• strong ability to concentrate
• self-reflective
• responsible
• creative, out-of-the-box thinking
• analytical skills that integrate complexity
• studious and smart

Introvert or Extrovert, the best thing you can do is to be yourself! (First you have to know what that self is.) Know your strengths/shortcomings and how these different characteristics may be influenced by your environment. Jung observed and reported that there were significant and troublesome risks associated with falsifying type (not being yourself), including low self-esteem; confusion with respect to the identity of the self and its gifts; fatigue and depression; general health problems; and a lack of synchronicity between a person's life and their chosen direction or career.

I have today off (for those of you keeping track at home, this is going to be a 2-day work week for me. Thursday/Friday, I'm going to interview at one of the schools to which I applied...wish me luck!) so I've been trying *and failin) to be productive...basically I've been reading blogs and watching tv lol. Anyway, Jill Scott's The Way came on VH1 soul, and I had forgotten how much I like this song....so it's today's *big chune*


:-)
 

your most important Valentine

Blog Challenge: Day 28

I know I'm late posting but I had a busy (but awesome) day/night!! Nix, Roomie and I made an great lunch (Salmon with mango-kiwi relish - yum!) and baked 3 different types of cookies - which were each pure goodness lol. Then we all went to see the chick flick on steroids Valentine's Day - it was super cute and the perfect movie for use to see. On the way home from the movie, Roomie said she didn't want the day to end...IMMD! Then, I had a really nice dinner with a friend (this is me not getting too personal on my blog since my readership has expanded lolol). The day was great. 

I also know I said I would use Sundays as a random roundup of links/articles/stories, but since today is Valentine's Day I figured I'd go ahead and post on something related to the day. One of my favorite quotes is from Sex and The City, when Carrie says: "...the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." Even though a lot of what Carrie says is super corny, I really find this quote to be true. Some people are serial monogamists (in a loose sense, b/c true monogamy is increasingly less common these days), while others are serial "daters" or serially single. I'd say I fall into the latter category lol. I have friends that seem constantly to be in a relationship...straight from one relationship to another...and I just don't get it lol....but to each their own. Another thing that scares me is people who are afriad to be alone...who feel that they are not complete without a significant other in their life. Anyway, it sounds cliche, but I think it's important to know and love yourself before you love someone else, or are ready to accept someone else's love. 

With this in mind, here are some tips (from various sources - especially this great post - with my personal spin) on things to do to to work on your self-love.

• Take Time Everyday to Do What You Love - My sister Nix is a full-time student who is super super busy....but she makes it a point to read something non-school-related everyday. This is just an example. Yours doesn't have to be the same thing everyday...as long as it's something enjoyable. 
• Be Yourself: Don't try to fit yourself into everyone else's ideals. You are who you are; you like what you like. You shouldn't have to mold yourself to the people around you. Surround yourself by people who appreciate you for who you are. 
• Never Miss an Opportunity to Laugh - I don't think a day goes by without me laughing at least once. There is nothing better than laughing. One of the greatest things is being able to laugh at yourself. Try to find humor all around you....I am probably one of the most easily amused people. Don't take everything so seriously! Yesterday I'm navigating through the snow. This is so childish, but something that cracks me up is when I can find a "that's what he/she said" moment. Nix and Roomie could tell you...I find them quite often lol. 
• Exercise Your Memory - Did you know that recalling happy times helps boost happiness in the present? Just try! I promise you'll agree. I don't think a day goes by without me saying "do you remember when..." Even small things. Today Roomie was cracking up remembering the other day when I got out at a red light to clear off her windshield and fall flat on my butt in the middle of the street. It certainly boost her happiness, and it let me laugh at myself. 
• Be Your Own Best Friend: Beyonce knows what she's talkin' about yall! lol...for real though..."No one knows, not even your closest friend or your spouse, what it's like to be you. To wake up in your skin, to live with the mixture of feelings, thoughts, impulses, dreams, conflicts, and passions, that are utterly unique to you...in the end, it is you, your heart, your guidance, your wisdom that you must trust. Notice what knocks at the door of your heart, what enlivens you, what inspires you, what energizes you. Follow that. Trust that." I totally copied that from the article in the link. Great language! I need to get my writing on that level lol.
• Let go of your mistakes. Mistakes happen. Don't focus on them in a purely negative way. Take what you can from them, learn from them, and keep it moving. 
• Transform your mindset. Believe that you're worthy of blessings...happiness, success, love, whatever! Actively seek out positive things about yourself and your life.  
• Dive into your passion. Whatever it is that gets you really excited, focus on it. Embrace it. One of the best ways you can learn to love yourself is to zero in on the things that make you the happiest and spend as much time as you can on them. 
• Live in your moment. Love yourself by being present. Remember when I talked about what the happiest women do? Focus on your strong moments!
• Toot your own horn. No one wants to be that girl/guy who is all about themselves and their accomplishments...but it's okay to acknowledge that you did an amazing job on something or accomplished something you never thought you could. Celebrate yourself and your achievements! This is much easier and more rewarding when you have a supportive friend network who will allow you the opportunity to feel good about yourself and support you in you celebration.
• Appreciate your life. My tattoo says "I am blessed"...not suggesting you get one too cuz then you'd be a copy cat! but try to make a habit of acknowledging the good in your life.   

Finally, since today is traditionally a day to think about couple relationships, I'd encourage you (especially if you're single or unsure about your present relationship) to look back on past relationships and see what you can learn from them. Make a list of past relationships and note each one the best qualities of that relationship. These are the qualities you want in the next relationship. Make a list of the negative parts of that relationship -- these are what you don't want to repeat. Use the list as a learning tool. It's sometimes tempting to think of past relationships as a waste of time, but try to look in each for the lesson to be learned. Actually, negative parts may have been your greatest teacher ;-) I certainly think I'm better at spotting and avoiding certain characteristics/behavior based on previous guys.

How did yall spend Valentine's Day? Is it just another day to you? What are your thoughts about your "relationship with yourself" as it pertains to your relationships with others? What are some ways that you actively work at your self-love?

You know today's *big chune* has to be lovey-dovey right? lol. It was a toughie because there are soooooo many great love songs out there and I am terrible at making choices like this. In the end, I decided to go with Turn Your Lights Down Low because it's beautiful without being over the top...I'm posting 2 versions (including the original Bob Marley version) cuz I feel like most people have only heard the version with Lauren...and I love The Wailers backup singing in the original lol. But I do love Lauren Hill and her rap verse adds a lil something extra. Btw, I swear if my Dad had dreads, he could double as Bob Marley lolol. 

:-D

  

some like it dark

Blog Challenge Day 27


With Valentine's Day tomorrow, I'm sure flowers, teddy bears, and chocolate heart boxes are flying off the shelves. With that in mind, I have a suggestion to guide your purchases: choose dark chocolate!! Many people see chocolate as a treat/indulgence...and it is...but, you may be surprised to learn that dark chocolate can actually be good for you! I personally LOVE dark chocolate. I have a small piece most days after lunch.



Dark chocolate is less processed and has less sugar than other types of chocolate. Experts suggest that adding small amounts (a one ounce piece a few times a week) of dark chocolate to a healthy diet that includes antioxidant-rich fruits and vegetables will give you a variety of phytochemicals (beneficial elements of plants) that have proven health benefits. Dark chocolate contains a high concentration of stearic acid (a saturated fatty acid with a neutral effect on cholesterol), essential minerals including magnesium, copper, potassium, manganese, and flavonoids.

Flavonoids are phytochemical plant pigments that act as natural antioxidants, neutralizing free radicals that can damage body tissue and cells. Antioxidants have also been linked to prevention of cancer and other degenerative diseases. (Since dairy can interfere with the absorption of these antioxidants, only dark chocolate -- not milk -- offers benefits.) Flavonoids also hinder platelet aggregation and improve blood-vessel flexibility, helping to prevent hardening of the arteries. Traditionally-made (meaning minimally processed) dark chocolate actually contains more flavonoids per gram than any other food tested so far, including green tea, red wine, and blueberries.

The high percentage of cocoa in dark chocolate also gives it a low glycemic index, a ranking of carbohydrates according to their effect on our blood glucose levels. This means it produces only small fluctuations in blood glucose and insulin levels (diabetics, take note). Other research supporting the benefits of DC:

• Last year, an Italian survey conducted by the Catholic University in Campobasso found that 6.7 grams of dark chocolate per day (about half a bar per week) was the ideal amount for a protective effect against inflammation and subsequent cardiovascular disease.

• A recent study by Nestlé researchers (yes, I see the obvious bias here, lol) suggests that eating a few pieces of dark chocolate every day may improve the metabolic response of people who report feeling highly stressed.

• Scientists at Penn State found that dark chocolate and flavonoid-rich cocoa powder reduced LDL ("bad" cholesterol) oxidation.

• An Italian study showed that when volunteers ingested small amounts of dark chocolate, their levels of C-reactive protein (an inflammatory marker) decreased.

• A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association showed that dark chocolate had an effect on lowering blood pressure.

Finally, research also shows chocolate can increase dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure. Chocolate also contains phenylethylamine (PEA) known as the "love chemical."


How to Buy

Because chocolate is among the most heavily sprayed crops, try to go with organic. For the greatest health benefit, buy traditionally prepared or "artisan" chocolate (most likely to contain more flavonoids because it's made with reduced heat) with at least 70% cocoa to guarantee the lowest glycemic index (try TJ's or Whole Foods). My personal suggestion for those of you who are "new" to dark chocolate is to start with a low percentage and work your way up. The highest I've had so far 85% and I actually like it. Also, if you need to, start with a bar that has other stuff in it...maybe mint or nuts or something.
 
So, go ahead and buy your boo some chocolate...just make sure it's dark chocolate :-)



Today's *big chune* is even more random and out of left field than usual. It's the score from Schindler's List - one of the absolute saddest movies ever made. I watched this in a class in 8th grade and I'm pretty sure I was bawling my eyes out (side note, I cry pretty easily in movies...even some random movies - Titanic, Little Women, The Holiday). Anyway, this song is sooooo beautiful. Even if you don't like classical music, I think you can appreciate this.



:-D

are you a dandelion or an orchid?

Blog Challenge Day 26

Most of yall know by now that I have applied to graduate programs for Psychology and hope to eventually get my PhD. I'm in the midst of the hearing back/interview process now, so send good vibes my way ;-)

Even before these plans, though, I've always found Psychology research fascinating. It's a field that (IMO) is really interesting and applicable to the lay reader when information is presented in a user-friendly manner. The underlying studies tend to be pretty esoteric, but the findings and takeaways don't have to be. Case in point...My brother recently sent me this really interesting Psych article from The Atlantic: The Science of Success. At a very basic level, the article (and studies on which it is based) discusses some fascinating work looking at how different people struggle/fail or thrive depending on their environments. Bottom line: similar to tending flowers, some of us are like dandelions who can do pretty well in a wide range of circumstances. Others of us are like delicate orchids, who will struggle and wilt without proper care...or can flourish if given some good old TLC.

Here are more details for those of you interested...and if you think my summary is long, you probably shouldn't try to read the full article!

A research team has been testing a radical new hypothesis about how genes shape behavior. In particular, they were interested in a new interpretation of one of the most important and influential ideas in recent psychiatric and personality research: that certain variants of key behavioral genes make people more vulnerable to certain mood, psychiatric, or personality disorders. In other words, people may be genetically predisposed to certain conditions. This hypothesis, often called the “stress diathesis” or “genetic vulnerability” model, has come to saturate psychiatry and behavioral science. Researchers have identified a gene variants that can increase a person’s susceptibility to depression, anxiety, ADHD, heightened risk-taking, and antisocial, sociopathic, or violent behaviors, and other problems—if, and only if, the person carrying the variant suffers a traumatic or stressful childhood or faces particularly trying experiences later in life. Plain English: many psychic and behavioral problems are seen as products not of nature or nurture but of complex “gene-environment interactions.” As the article explains, "Your genes don’t doom you to these disorders. But if you have “bad” versions of certain genes and life treats you ill, you’re more prone to them."

Investigating this subject, the research team focused on the 25 percent (of a sample of 2,408 children) rated highest by their parents (and confirmed by observation) in externalizing behaviors (plain english: "acting out"). In an attempt to change the kids’ behavior, members of the research team visited each of 120 families six times over eight months; filmed the mother and child in everyday activities, including some requiring obedience or cooperation; and then edited the film into teachable moments to show to the mothers. A similar group of high-externalizing children received no intervention.

To the researchers’ delight, the intervention worked. The moms, watching the videos, learned to spot cues they’d missed before, or to respond differently to cues they’d seen but had reacted to poorly. The bad behaviors dropped. A year after the intervention ended, the toddlers who’d received it had reduced their externalizing scores by more than 16 percent, while a nonintervention control group improved only about 10 percent (as expected, due to modest gains in self-control with age).

Recently, an alternate hypothesis has emerged, suggesting that it’s a mistake to understand these “risk” genes only as liabilities. Basically, these bad genes can create dysfunction in unfavorable contexts, but they can also enhance function in favorable contexts. Thus, the genetic sensitivities to negative experience that the vulnerability hypothesis has identified, are just the downside of a bigger phenomenon: a heightened genetic sensitivity to all experience.

This hypothesis was conceptualized by another set of researchers in an article discussing “dandelion” and "orchid" children. Dandelion children—equivalent to our “normal” or “healthy” children, with “resilient” genes—do pretty well almost anywhere, whether raised in the equivalent of a sidewalk crack or a well-tended garden. In contrast, “orchid” children will wilt if ignored or maltreated but bloom spectacularly with greenhouse care.

What I found most interesting, is the application of this notion to family life. The research suggests that behavioral diversity - having both dandelion and orchid kids - greatly raises a family’s chance of succeeding, over time and in any given environment. (The article also discusses this with regard to the human population in a more general sense.The orchid hypothesis accepts that certain gene variants underlie some of humankind’s most grievous problems: despair, alienation, cruelties both petty and epic...But it adds that these same troublesome genes play a critical role in our species’ astounding success.) Dandelions in a provide an underlying stability. The less-numerous orchids, meanwhile, may falter in some environments but can excel in those that suit them. Together, the steady dandelions and the mercurial orchids offer an adaptive flexibility that neither can provide alone. Together, they open a path to otherwise unreachable individual and collective achievements. I'd like to think that this dynamic plays out (will play out) in my own family. In many ways I think my (5) siblings and I are still young enough that our lives are yet to be fully shaped, but based on our lives so far, I would agree that certain siblings' stability helps to support and even galvanize the others who may be - as I like to say - on different life plans.

With all this in mind, the researchers from the above study with children began to look at the genetic makeup of the children in their experiment. In particular, they wanted to see whether kids with a risk allele for ADHD and externalizing behaviors would respond as much to positive environments as to negative. Both the vulnerability hypothesis and the orchid hypothesis predict that in the control group the kids with a risk allele should do worse than those with a protective one. And they did—though only slightly. Over the course of 18 months, the genetically “protected” kids reduced their externalizing scores by 11 percent, while the “at-risk” kids cut theirs by 7 percent. Both gains were modest ones that the researchers expected would come with increasing age.

The real test, however, came in the group that received intervention. According to the vulnerability model, those who received intervention should improve less than their counterparts with the protective allele...based on this model, the modest upgrade that the intervention created in their environment wouldn’t offset their general vulnerability. BUT the toddlers with the risk allele saw drastic improvements - cutting their externalizing scores by almost 27 percent. Meanwhile, the protective-allele kids cut theirs by just 12 percent (improving only slightly on the 11 percent managed by the protective-allele population in the control group). The upside effect in the intervention group, in other words, was far larger than the downside effect in the control group. Plain English: Risk alleles really can create not just risk but possibility.


Soooo....for those of you that made it all the way to the end (lol), what do you think of this? Does this seem applicable to everyday life? Would you consider yourself to be a dandelion or an orchid? Can you spot these two types in the people around you? Does this change the way you think about them? If you're a dandelion, how can you be more supportive to the orchids in your life? If you're an orchid, what can you do to foster a "greenhouse-like" environment, versus being out with the weeds?

Btw, is it just me or is Google Buzz dangerous (in terms of productivity) during the workday...?

today's *big chune* is some salsaaaa to get your weekend started right. I actually hate Marc Anthony when he sings in english, but his salsa stuff in GOOOOOD! I am a BIG fan of latin music - especially salsa and bachata. I may not understand every single word they say, but I actually surprise myself with how much I am able to follow. This song is a duet with India - another of my favorite Salsa artists. I didn't realize how old this song is until I saw this video...i am MAD at marc anthony's hair...hottttt messssss. Oh well, still a big chune!!


Happy Friday! :-D
  

clarification

i swear every time i hit "publish" i'm like dang i should have added this...or i find a typo...or i wish i had changed something. oh well. i'm new to this blogging thing. anywho, i wanted to follow-up on my last post, and the idea of my making my blog more public. 

rather than it being about me censoring myself going forward, i see it as me being more comfortable and confident in who i am and what i'm writing. lately i've been focusing a lot on the "first commandment" of The Happiness Project...which is to BE ANNA. And by being Anna i have to accept and celebrate myself! i've kept my blog relatively private because i don't want people up in my business in some ways i'm nervous about what people will think of it. will people think it's weird that i'm so fascinated with happiness? that i love to read? that i'm a homebody? that i eat really healthy and love learning about food/health/nutrition? that i'm so passionate about mixed-ness? that i am a snob about dudes with poor grammar/spelling/diction? lol. basically, i've been nervous about really opening myself up for judgment - especially by people i may not be all that close to. The thing is that the more i really continue to figure out who i am (this is a life-long process, btw...subject of a blog to come), the more confident i feel about who i am...and the less i concern myself with what people may think of that :-) it's quite liberating actually. 

ok that's it (for now) on that subject. it's about 2 and a half hours past my bed time :-P

what google buzz means for my blog

Blog Challenge: Day 25


Everyone on Gmail has by now discovered (or maybe chosen to ignore) Google's newest feature - Buzz. Buzz is basically a twitter/reader/gchat combo. Up until now I have shares my blog with only people I specifically chose. With Buzz, however, my blog posts are now public to whomever I follow/am follwed by on Buzz. I know that I can make my blog private and/or block specific people, but I've decided to do neither of those 2 things. Based on the way I see my blog developing, I don't plan for it to be so personal that I have to pick and chose who will read it. That's what one-on-one conversations are for. So, from here on out my blog is going ot be strictly things that I wouldn't be hesitant to talk to a stranger about. I think this will actually be good for me, because I tend to be a very reserved and private person. Now, I don't plan to go divulging my deepest thoughts and emotions, but I do plan on opening up more than some people have seen so far. The only thing that will be hard/annoying is that I may find myself censoring certain things that I actually do want to talk about...not necessarily because I am saying something bad about someone who may be reading, but simply because I am talking about them at all and that's just awkward lol...At the same time, I think some of the things I have to share (about websites, music, news, food, and general info) are things that are interetsing to a general audience, and I want to be able to share that. So, we shall see. This is all a work in progress and I try to figure out my blog's identity/purpose. Btw, for those people who are just seeing my blog because of Buzz, I definitely encourage you to start from my very first post and see what this is all about :-)


As far as today's post, I don't really feel like writing a whole lot lol. After 5 whole days off of work due to the DMV's crazy weather, I have a full day tomorrow. I barely even remember where I work lol. I spent most of today finishing a book in B&N so I didn't have to buy it lol. The book was actually pretty good, so I may end up buying it eventually...and I'm going to post sort of a review/reflection on it at some point soon...maybe tomorrow depending on how work is. I actually write better at work than I do when I'm home all day with nothing to do...something about the sense of urgency I suppose....and the fact that I like little distractions to brekaup my workday.


On another note, I feel so positive right now (surprise, surprise). I straight up love life! I don't expect things to be perfect all the time, but why not celebrate the times in your life when everything does seem to be going well? After all, being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect....it means that you've decided to look past the imperfections...I wish I could say I made that up, but it's an anonymous quote. I had a great convo today with a student at one of the schools to which I'm applying. It got me super excited for my interview which is next month. Plus, I also had a great convo with someone who is in another Psych program (one to which I didn't apply)..more generally about the field, their experiences, etc.  Actually, while we're on the subject of schools and my applications, I'm pretty sure I didn't get accepted to 2 of the 6 schools I applied to. I haven't gotten official rejection letters, but I haven't gotten notifications of acceptance/invitation to interview...and at this stage in the game I think I would have heard back if it were good news.

I'm surprisingly ok with this. I remember when I first applied to programs I told some people I didn't know what I would do if I didn't get in...I would be a wreck. Now, I've gotten to a point where I still feel good about my chance of getting in to at leats one program, but I know it's not the end of the world if I don't. I truly truly believe that everything happens for a reason, so all I can do is give it my all...which I think I have...and if things don't go how I expect them to go, it simply means that there is another game plan meant for me. Like I said, though, at this point I am still very hopefully that the game plan is acceptance to one of the PhD programs. I'll keep yall posted ;-)


Ok, that's it for now. Today's *big chune* is Rihanna's new single/video Rude Boy. I know I've already shared this in my Reader and on Buzz, but this song has been stuck in my head all day! It's catchy, the video cracks me up, and it remind me of home!! Big Chune!



:-D