be anna...and let them be them

Blog Challenge: Day 12

Last night I went to an event that had my internal dialogue running in overdrive. So much so that as soon as I got into my building out of the blistering, frigid, unbearable, makes-me-wish-i-never-left-my-island cold, I stopped (in the hallway) to type out some thoughts on my palm pre. lol! The event was a presentation/discussion on emotional intelligence (EQ), presented by Christie Lewis of Mission Matters Consulting and Coaching Group. The event was offered through a DC organization geared toward young nonprofit professionals, but i was attracted to it because of my interest in Psychology.
 

In a nutshell, EQ is a self-perceived ability, to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups. We went through a few little exercises that got us to think about and assess our EQ strengths and weaknesses. Obviously this stuff is important to me, as I hope one day to be a counselor/therapist. But, it's also applicable to anyone. A lot of the discussion was actually from a workplace perspective. She mentioned that EQ is what sets great leaders (like CEOs) apart from those who don't make it to the top. It makes sense if you think about it. After all, it's not what you know, but who you know...or perhaps how you know who you know. marinate on that! lol.

In terms of my own EQ, something I've struggled with recently - but especially since reading The Happiness Project (now #1 on NYT Bestseller list!!) - is that I place so much emphasis on happiness and positivity in my own life and I can't understand why other people don’t. It's like I have an emotional "can.not.process" (say that in a robot/computer voice for the full effect) response. I struggle because though I am immensely positive I shut down in the face of negativity. It's like my positive forcefield is no match for gloom/anger/sullenness. I feed off of the situation and people around me. But rather than get negative (like them) I just detach from the situation. I stop caring. I essentially go into emotional hibernation.

This got me thinking a lot about Gretchen’s first personal commandment: "Be Gretchen" Here is the gist of the concept (in her words): "Just as I must 'Be Gretchen' and accept myself, strengths and weaknesses both, I must also accept everyone around me...The fact is, we can change no one but ourselves."

With that in mind, I've had to make an important tweak. My first personal commandment is to Be Anna...and let them be them. In other words, i have to do what makes me happy and live a life that is true to my values/principles/likes/dislikes. But i also have to accept the people around me for who they are. After all, who am i to say what the right or best way of living is? Having someone like Nix as a sis is like living in an alternate universe. An awesome universe, but one quite different from most lol. It's sort of like living with another "me". We think so similarly about so many things that I forget we are not your average bear and that she is not necessarily like everyone I interact with. Take a colleague, for example. They are one of the most negative debby-downer people I know. But, I've come to accept and expect that from them. I don't take it personally. That is what gets them through their day. 

As I think more and more about the possibility that I may be going to grad school for Psychology i'm petrified by the judgments and expectations that I place on myself--largely as a result of what I think other people's judgments and expectations are/will be. Does that make sense? I imagine that people think, "she should be able to make me feel better because that is what she wants to do as a career. Why doesn't she get it?" This is an unfair (and possible unfounded) expectation I am placing on myself. Aside from the fact that I have zero knowledge or expertise, not everyone wants advice. I need to repeat that to myself: not everyone wants my advice! I'm not a know-it-all, but it's my nature to try to help people...and making "suggestions" is one of the ways I do this. "Maybe you could..." I have these urges to give my thoughts. I don't really see it as advice more like tips or suggestions but it dawned on me that it may come across as advice which can be, quite frankly, annoying when it is done in a certain way.

People who want advice will ask for it. Until then, I need to slow my role.

But....[now I'm going to totally confuse myself (and yall) by posing this question]...if I truly believe in the principles of happiness and positivity and the beneficial effects on my life, can you blame me for wanting to share? How do you know when you should be trying to spread a good message, or when you need to leave it up to others to find it for themselves?

Thoughts on all this?

P.S. I got invited to interview at another one of the schools I applied to! Now I've been invited to 2/6...still waiting to hear back from the other 4. 

TGIF!  :-D