what makes a man "put a ring on it"?

Blog Challenge Day 11:

[Writer's note: I really hate capitalizing...especially the letter/word "i"...it's my blog and i do what i want :-) ... so i'm not going to worry about capitalizing them anymore. and i may even get more lax about first-word-of-sentence capitalization as well. just fyi. don't judge me.]

Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others

My friend T sent me the link to this article and it's a pretty interesting read. John T. Molloy's Book Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others is based on over 3,000 interviews conducted by him and his researchers. They interviewed couples coming out of marriage license bureaus, and then a control group. Some of the resulting findings on the statistical tendencies of marriage are common sense, but other points are more thought-provoking, especially since they're backed up by data. As a budding research geek, I appreciate that.

I'm going to share some of the points from the book, with my own commentary (in bold). Let's see what my chances of marriage are! lol. By the way, I'm really not pressed/concerned about marriage right now. If it happens it does, if it doesn't that's fine too...or at least that's how I feel at the moment. Ask me when I'm approaching 30, you may get a different answer. lol.

The Six Basic Guidelines For Women To Get Married

1. Insist on it. [meh :-/ this sounds easier said than done]
   
2. If you find yourself in a dead-end relationship, move on. [i think i'm pretty good at this. probably too good lol]
   
3. Love yourself first. [i do! and i totally agree with how important this is]
   
4. Commit yourself to the idea of getting married [hmm. i don't know that i feel this way right now. but maybe that's a defense mechanism?]
   
5. Keep in shape, watch your weight, and take care of your appearance [yep, i do this]
   
6. Time is running out—use time wisely in your search for the marrying man [uhmmmmm, chicken little much?]
   

To maximize your chances of marrying, only date the marrying kind: [again, i may do this too well. lol]

• Most men will not consider marriage before they reach the age of commitment 
• For 80% of high school graduates, 23
• For 80% of college graduates, 26 [unfortunately, i feel like this number keeps getting higher and higher. try 30!]
  
• For college men, the high-commitment period is 28-33
  
• For men who go to graduate school, 30-36 [sheesh!]
  
•  Other key facts
• Men often marry women whose religion, politics, values, and socioeconomic status match theirs
• Men whose friends and siblings are married are more likely to marry [this is an interesting point.] 
• Avoid "stringers" except for Stringer Bell; he could get it, men who string along women but never commit. To filter them out, insist that he commit after six months. Then stick to it, no matter what excuses he gives. [i may struggle with this. lol]
  
• Consider unpolished jewels, men who are just as nice, intelligent, hard-working, and successful, but lack looks, height, or social skills. [this is a toughie, because physical attraction is important to me] 
• 88% of men over 50 who were marrying for the first time were marrying divorced women. The women told the researchers that they had already tried the tall, suave, type, and he didn’t make a very good husband. [hopefully i won't have to go through divorce to learn my lesson]
  
  
  
  
  

First impressions are important:

• Men are attracted by the physical, but marry character 
• Newly engaged men said that what attracted them to their fiancées was how classy, positive, energetic, enthusiastic, and upbeat their future wives were. [it's awkward for me to compliment myself, but i do think i have most of these characteristics]
•  While 68% gave a physical description of their fiancée, only 20% said that what attracted them was how gorgeous and sexy their fiancée was. Over 60% described their personalities, even if the women in question were very beautiful.
• Therefore, be positive! [no problem there!]
  
  
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• All wives are trophy wives—men marry women whom they admire and like to show off (but not for their physical appearance) [makes sense, nothing wrong with that]
  
• Dressing appropriately sends the message, “I am wife material.” Men marry women they perceive as “situational virgins” who move easily in their world. 
• Editor’s note: In other words, don’t dress like a ho [LOL!]. Men see a sexy outfit as an invitation to have sex. 
• Most men decide within 10 minutes of meeting a woman if she’s appropriate for marriage, or just for a casual affair.
• Over 80% of men said or bragged that their fiancée was the kind of woman they were proud to introduce to friends and family
• Over 70% of men said that they knew that their future bride was a “nice girl” the minute they met
• Only 7 out of 2,000 men interviewed said that their fiancée was dressed in a very sexy outfit when they met.
• If you want to marry a man who is more attractive than you, go for a very good-looking man because he will actually place less emphasis on looks. [interesting. i would never be comfortable with a fine, fine man to be honest. lol. so i can have women trying to get him all the time?! no thanks.] Women see their own looks as a gift of nature equal to or superior to brains and talent. In contrast, 67% of very good-looking men think of their looks as a minor asset, and say they would rather be smart, rich, or talented. Do the following: 
• Approach him [yah, that's probably not gonna happen]. Very attractive men don’t make passes at women because they don’t have to. [rude. lol] 
• Let him put you on a pedestal. Don’t treat him any differently than you would another man, just because he’s good-looking. 
• Let him see your talents and accomplishments. Very good-looking men often marry women who have qualities they lack—education, professional accomplishment, social standing, and ambition. [but if they lack all that, why would i want them?] 
• Make demands on him. Advise him to go back to school or get a better job.
  
  
• Making a good impression on his family is almost as important as making a good impression on him.
• 5% said that it was their family that had convinced them that the woman was something special
• 30% said that their family’s positive opinion had influenced them
  
  
  
  
  

What kind of women get married?

• Women with a large number of female friends are more likely to marry than women with a large number of male friends 
• Men don’t go out of their way to introduce their female friends to other men
• If you reach 30 and want to get married, you have to make finding a husband a primary goal. Once your friends start getting married, they are less likely to have an active social life with you. Don’t be the last one off the bus!
• Women who get married, even those with high-powered careers, make getting married a priority that they work at.
• The larger the number of single men and women you work with, the better your chances of marrying
• If you work in an industry with few eligible men (e.g. the fashion industry, where most male colleagues are gay), or have other disadvantages, you’ll have to work harder outside of work to overcome them. It’s unfair, but suck it up.
• Women with unrealistic expectations often remain single 
• Much of the time, these expectations are imposed by others, who think that the men she brings home aren’t “good enough for her.” 
• Give men a second chance—20% of brides to be said that they didn’t like their husband when they first met him. [i'm guessing this doesn't apply to exes] 
• Self-confident men are attracted to accomplished, self-assured, and talented women
  
  
• Women who waste their time with stringers or men who don’t care for them hurt their chances of marrying 
• Women who marry refer to the men who broke up with them as losers. Women who don’t marry often make men who don’t reciprocate their feelings the center of their universe and still speak well of them.
  
  
•  Don’t date married or gay men.
• Women who live with their parents are less likely to marry
• Being slender attracts more men, therefore increasing your chances to marry
• Women who put effort into looking their best are more likely to marry than those who don’t
• However, men find women who are active and don’t spend all of their time primping more attractive
• Women who make an effort to seek out the company of single men are more likely to marry 
• Women who marry date more frequently than those who don’t, even it’s Mr. Wrong. [i need to line up some dates!]
  
  
  • Women who marry are three times as likely to participate in masculine activities in which they had no real interest.
  • Women who marry are twice as likely to have made lifestyle sacrifices (changing jobs or moving) to meet eligible men.
  Women who have active social lives are more likely to marry
  
  
  • Go out on Friday and Saturday, when other single people go out [i've been going out more recently. i just need to be selective about what i do and who i got with, so i ensure a good time]
    

Other than the thoughts I shared throughout the text, I don't have much to add. It seems like a tricky balance between making marriage a priority and getting so caught up in it that you "hate the idea of being alone" (e.g., the SATC gals, except for Samantha) or jump from relationship to relationship. I've never been one of the latter people. In fact I am very comfortable being single. I tell people (honestly) that right now i'm so happy  in every other aspect of my life, lack of a man doesn't concern me. In the past, I've thought "I'll never get married (*tear*)," but now I rarely think about it at all. The findings seem to suggest that I shouldn't be quite so lax about it. Oh well! Que sera sera!

Thoughts? Are the data a bunch of mumbo jumbo? Should women my age (23) be concerned about marriage? Are you concerned? Any of the points above surprise you? Any you especially agree/disagree with?

Remember, this is only a bit of the full findings, so if you want to see the whole write-up, click here

:-)