chilli on cheating

My friend T sent me this in an email yesterday - Chilli's comments (via her VIBE blog) on cheating (and relationships in general). I couldn't agree more. (The bolding is my emphasis)

My general feeling on cheating, period, whether it’s a girl cheating on a guy—because they do—or vice versa is that I don’t really understand it. We live in a country where we can choose our mate so if you’re unhappy with your mate for whatever reason, then break up. It’s pretty simple. Cheating takes too much effort. You’re hiding and doing all kinds of crazy stuff. It’s just unnecessary and it’s extremely hurtful. It’s excruciating pain...

 [i'm skipping some of what she wrote]

...I think women are so afraid to talk about things with guys in fear of him leaving, but if he’s going to be afraid from having a conversation, then the hell with his ass! That doesn’t make any sense. I have every right to ask you questions, you have every right to ask me questions. Now if we want to give the answers, it’s up to us but there’s nothing wrong with that because how else will you find out?

A lot of people out there are really good at hiding things and making it seem like everything is normal so you don’t suspect that they’re cheating. Usually things don’t work out, not because of a cheating situation. It could just be just compatibility. Most people, in my opinion, that are together and even married shouldn’t even be together. A lot of times you just have somebody in your life because you feel like you need someone in your life. You feel like you need a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Those are your own insecurities.

When you truly, truly love somebody and it’s a healthy love, you always want to make sure you’re healthy yourself before entering a relationship and give that person your time. That’s why they call it dating. Dating doesn’t mean we’re sleeping together. Dating doesn’t mean I’m your girlfriend, you’re my boyfriend. It means that we are exclusively dating each other trying to get to know each other, figure out each other’s personalities, see if we click, if our morals are intact—all those things. And then you can graduate to the next level of the relationship."

As I said, I really feel her on a lot of this. ESPECIALLY the part about not understanding cheating. The slew of cheating over the past year or is making me realize i don't want to get married really turning me into quite the cynic. I'm not bitter, mind you. Cynicism and bitterness are two different things to me. These days I'd be more surprised to learn a man is faithful than to find out that he's cheating. Seriously, if you want to cheat on me, just break up with me please!!! I'd rather be happily single than in a drama-filled relationship of lies and distrust. And I'd rather not share my man. Is that so much to ask?

Now, I'm not going to blame everything just 99% on no-good men. Ladies, it takes us for there to be cheaters. If you know a man is married/in a serious relationship, have a little respect for the other woman! (I'm looking at you 20-something yr old "babysitter" sleeping with Tiki Barber while his wife is pregnant with twins...and all the other countless triflin you-know-whats.)

Another thing I wholeheartedly agree with is that there are too many people who are in relationships for the sake of being in a relationship...because they don't want to be alone. You know how there are serial monogamists...those people who always seem to be in a relationship? Well, I'm more like a serial single-ist, with good reason I'd like to think. 

Finally, her point about being in a good place yourself before being ready for a relationship is also key. I know a lot of people who seem to jump from relationship to relationship and i'm like dang give yourself a second to breathe. Often, two people's lives become so intertwined that each loses their individual identity...it's like you don't even know yourself anymore apart from what you were as a couple, with the other person. Enjoy being single! Enjoy meeting new people and doing new things! (*ahem RW ahem*)

Today's *big chunes* are going to seem to run counter to everything I've just cosigned on and written about...but it's just music and this song popped up on my Pandora and I remembered how much i like it lol. Sue me! It's Jay-Z with Girl, Girls, Girls and the Remix for it. I think I like the remix better, mostly because of the sample track in the back...you?

Remix

:-D