6 happiness tips from tal ben-shahar

In my post about natural versus synthetic happiness I mentioned psychologist and author Tal Ben-Sahar
who is one of the leading voices in positive psychology. I remembered today that I had bookmarked some of his advice to come back to later...so here they are!

6 Happiness Tips from Tal Ben-Shahar

• Give yourself permission to be human. When we accept emotions — such as fear, sadness, or anxiety — as natural, we are more likely to overcome them. Rejecting our emotions, positive or negative, leads to frustration and unhappiness.
  
• Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not feasible, make sure you have happiness boosters, moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning.
  
• Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on (the full or the empty part of the glass) and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity?
  
• Simplify! We are, generally, too busy, trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much.
  
• Remember the mind-body connection. What we do — or don't do — with our bodies influences our mind. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits lead to both physical and mental health.
  
• Express gratitude, whenever possible. We too often take our lives for granted. Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.

Sounds good to me!

It is soooo beautiful in DC this week! Yesterday and today I spent a good deal of my lunch break outside! I work a few blocks from the White House so today I sat in the park across from it :-)

In school news, I got a call yesterday from Georgia State. The professor was just trying to get a sense of my fit and interest in the Master's program in School Psychology - because I had originally applied to the Counseling Psych PhD program. The convo went well but b/c my application was transferred late in the process I'm not going to get my hopes too high. He seemed pretty confident that I'd make the wait list though. We shall see...

I'm also really looking forward to an event I'm going to tonight. I'm a member of the GTown Alumni Admissions Interview Committee and this evening I'm representing GU at a local high school's college night.

And tonight also marks the start of March Madness. Go Hoyas!!



Today's big chune is (i think) the latest from one of my favorite reggae artist's - Jah Cure. Shout outs to Bex for sending it to me. Not my fav or his, but it's cool. By the way, riddim names CRACK ME UP. The song is called "Never Say Never" and it's off the Stonehenge Riddim. LOL


:-D
 

you don't have to be irish to be lucky

I haven't given up on the blog! I just had a rough week and needed to take a little break :-)

Updates: As of now I haven't gotten into any of the grad schools to which I applied (hence my bad week *smile*). I'm still waiting to hear from two Master's programs - all the other "nos" have been from PhD programs...so no Dr. Brightside anytime soon. I'm not gonna lie, I was really really down about this last week. I put in a lot of work, time and even money into this process...and I came soooo close by making it to the interview round at 3 schools. I was sort of a hot mess for one day but now I'm feeling pretty good about everything.

Some people may think that saying "everything happens for a reason" is a way to take yourself out of the equation of life...and see yourself as being at the whim of the world. I disagree. I feel confident that I put a great amount of effort into my goal. Having fallen short of the ultimate goal (a PhD) I am now comfortable with the fact that perhaps that particular aim wasn't meant to be (right now if ever). The way I see it, maybe what life has in store for me doesn't require a PhD. Maybe it would have been something that I wasn't prepared for and ended up being stuck in. Whatever the case, I still have some options to go back to school, and I'm waiting anxiously on those. But don't worry, I already have some backup plans in mind :-)

In other news, I got all four wisdom teeth extracted last week...another big reason why I haven't felt like writing. I just felt ick all weekend...I spent the majority of the time lying around with Nix (she got her's out last week too lol) watching Food Network and movies. I saw The Hurt Locker, The Lucky Ones, The Hangover,  Did You Hear About the Morgans, and Up in the Air....as you can see I did a lot of nothing this weekend!

Those are my major updates. I'll get back to writing more regularly from now on.

Since today is St. Patrick's Day, I wanted to write a little bit about luck. The interesting thing about luck is that it's sort of hard to define and people have many different views about it. It's generally thrown around in a nonchalant manner. People often speak of themselves as being lucky/unlucky but not in a very concrete way...after all, you can't really measure luck. One thing you'll often hear me say is that I have bad luck when it comes to chance (i.e., I don't win drawings or bingo or those sorts of things) but I have amazing life luck. Stuff works out for me! Another way I express this is by acknowledging and appreciating that I am blessed. But, this doesn't mean that everything in my life is perfect and goes exactly how I want it to...it just means that things happen in a way that I feel good about and that are providential even if not according to plan.

Those who think they're unlucky should change their outlook and 

discover how to generate good fortune.

The other day I read this interesting article on luck, based on research that revealed that lucky people generate good fortune via four basic principles. They:

• are skilled at creating and noticing chance opportunities
• make lucky decisions by listening to their intuition
• create self-fulfilling prophesies via positive expectations 
• adopt a resilient attitude that transforms bad luck into good

Unlucky people often fail to follow their intuition when making a choice, while lucky people tend to respect hunches. The article also mentions that lucky people are interested in how they both think and feel about the various options, rather than simply looking at the rational side of the situation. I tend to go on "vibes" that I get from things, people, situations.

Unlucky people tend to be creatures of routine....for example, taking the same route to and from work and talking to the same types of people at parties. Conversely, many lucky people try to introduce variety into their lives. The article gives an amusing anecdote about how someone thought of a color before arriving at a party and then introduced himself to people wearing that color. Apparently, this kind of behaviour boosts the likelihood of chance opportunities by introducing variety.

Lucky people tend to see the positive side of their ill fortune. One easy way of doing this is to imagine how things could have been (or could be) worse. For example, in one interview, a volunteer arrived with his leg in a plaster cast and described how he had fallen down a flight of stairs....he cheerfully explained that he felt luckier than he had before....because he could have broken his neck. Now that is one way to look on the bright side...although I guess it's more like looking at the darkside and being glad you're not there lol. I tend to do this a lot...

In celebration of St. Patty's Day, focus on your luck this week by taking notice of chance opportunities, listening to your intuition, expecting to be lucky, and being more resilient to bad luck!

Today's *big chune* is from Corinne Bailey Rae, who released her second album a few weeks ago. After listening through a few times, I've decided this is one of my favs.


:-D
 

tapping my "happiness reserves"

Gretchen Rubin explains that one of her reason's for exploring ways to boost her happiness was so that when she got that "midnight phone call" she would be better equipped to respond with resilience...or something along those lines...


It's been a pretty disappointing week for me. News is starting to come back from grad schools and it hasn't been good so far. After having not heard from several schools, I contacted them all...this resulted in 2 rejections. Btw, don't you hate the word rejection? It just sounds so mean!! Ugh...


Then, literally minutes ago I got an email from the main faculty member I was interested in working with at UT. He apologized that I've been in limbo and proceeded to inform me that he was very impressed with me, but had gone with someone else. To say I'm disappointed would be an understatement...and while I'm proud of myself for having made it all the way to the interview round and actually being in limbo (as opposed to an immediate rejection)...this sucks! There's only so much you can do to make yourself feel better about failure. What's more, I honestly feel like this is the same news I'm going to get from UM in a matter of days. You were really great...but just short of what we need...


BUT I am supposed to be Ms. Brightside so of course I am trying to re-frame all of this and maintain a positive outlook. Maybe I'll get lucky with UM. I'm also still waiting to hear back from a Master's program so maybe that will work out favorably for me. And if it doesn't work out that way, I'll go to culinary school with the ultimate goal of my own show on Food Network  join this program and go teach in Spain for a year   move on to another game plan.


I've always believed that everything happens for a reason...and to abandon that belief because what you want to happen doesn't happen basically defeats the purpose of believing this adage in the first place. So, for now I'll stay hopeful. Luckily I've been happy and blessed recently, so I have my "happiness reserves" well stocked. Of all the problems to have, this one isn't the end of the world....BUT I'm entitled to still feel disappointed and have an extra glass of wine at happy hour tonight.

Don't worry yall, I'm still Ms. Brightside :-) And I'll be back to my normal writing soon!


For today's *big chune* I'm really in the mood for some Anthony Hamilton...one of my absolutely fav. artists..especially when I'm in a melancholy mood lol. This one is "Dear Life" from the movie Step Up (lol).



:-D 

i'm back!

So I have been super slacking on the blog thing recently. Like I mentioned, I was out of town this weekend for a grad school interview. Honestly, I don't even know how to say it went. I don't feel great or terrible about it. I actually don't want to think/write about it anymore. They said I should have a decision sometime this week so it will be nice just to have the process over with.

Honestly, this whole thing is just getting very old. I want to know either way!!

Anyway, what else is new in my life? Nothing really. The weather in DC has been pretty nice so I've been able to get outside a lot more. I also attempted to make my own yogurt for the first time. It's pretty cool and came out tasting ok, but I need to work on the consistency to get it right. Nix made chocolate chip cookies this weekend that smelled and tasted exactly how they did when we would make them with our mom. Ahhh memories. We also made Chilean Sea Bass en papillote - which sounds fancy and complicated but is so easy and quite yummy! I won't be doing any exciting cooking for a while, because I'm getting all 4 wisdom teeth pulled this week :-/

My mom sent me a cute email about adversity and it included this passage (which I'd heard before, but forgot about): May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy. This just about sums up what I want out of life :-)


Today's *big chune* is Ludacris "Go Low"...it's one of my guilty pleasure songs lol



:-D 
 
 

off to another interview

I'm off to another grad school interview today! And I'm sooooo excited for the 70-degree-weather that awaits me!! Although, to be fair, the weather here has been getting a lot better...it's gonna be in the 50s this weekend!

Tomorrow's gonna be a long day though...5 different faculty interviews throughout the day. I kinda wish they were all back to back to get them over with, but my day starts at 8ish and won't be all done until 4:30. Tonight is a welcome event so gotta get my schmooze face on hehe. Btw, still haven't heard from UT :-/

Anywho, I'll post about it all when I get back this weekend. Wish me luck :-D

Btw, have you heard of Operation Beautiful? The mission behind Operation Beautiful is to "post anonymous notes in public places for other women to find." The website has some really cute examples of notes people have left. If you don't like the idea of leaving a note somewhere for a stranger to find, try to make it a point to compliment someone you know today. We could all use a compliment...There's something really special and uplifting about being told you look nice/smell good/are funny/wear cute shoes lol...Could be a great way to make someone's day!

Today's *big chune* is some soca flava from Alison Hinds...I don't know what this song is officially called...ima go with "Iron Bazodee" lol...just listening to this song makes me feel like i'm back home at j'ouvert or in the parade....OMG I can't wait to be home for St. John Festival - one of the best times to be home period!


:-D
 

don't sleep on: springpadit.com

After my last post, Ms. O asked me where I get my recipes from...great question! And it also reminded me of a "don't sleep" post I've been meaning to do. 

To answer the question of where I get my recipes...I read a lot of blogs and I subscribe to a lot of recipe newsletters. My favorite newsletters are from:

• Whole Foods
• Cooking Light
• Real Simple
• WholeLiving

As I said, I also subscribe to a lot of blogs in my Google Reader so I won't bother to list them all. The food blog world is a really great resource for product leads, recipes and cooking tips!! My advice for finding some is to do a google blog search based on whatever your interests are. Then, once you find one or two you really like, look to see what blogs those people are following....it's like an awesome never-ending chain :-) On a related note, just today I got a really great newsletter from Cooking Light on the top 25 cooking mistakes. Another thing to do is check a used bookstore for cookbooks. My fav. used bookstore in DC has a really nice selection.

Ok, now onto Springpadit.com. (Shouts out to Nix for putting me onto this!) It's a really cool website that basically replaces the "favorites" (in IE) or  "bookmark" (in Firefox) options for marking pages. We use it to electronically store recipes. You can enter recipes yourself...or what's even cooler is that you can simply enter the url for the page where a recipe is located, and it will automatically enter the recipe info. (Note: you have to double check b/c it doesn't always enter perfectly). You can also use it to "mark/save" products, shopping lists, businesses, restaurants, etc. You can make your "stuff" private, or public (so people who follow you can see). This is what it looks like:

 

It's sort of hard to explain, so check it out for yourself!

Today's *big chune* is from Raheem Devaughn, who just came out with a new album yesterday. He's DC-based R&B artist who I've loved ever since I heard his song "Believe"...I actually remember where I was when I heard this song for the first time...which is crazy given my usually fuzzy memory!...I was in the library cramming studying for mid-terms and the song came on and I was like "I must hear that song again!" lol....anyway, even though I love "Believe" and it's a big chune, I'ma post another of my favs instead...this one is called "Love Drug"...enjoy!


:-D
 

favorite childhood memory?

You go from posting every day to taking a couple days off and people get antsy (I'm looking at you Ms. O, lol). I appreciate that someone noticed though :-)


I don't really have an excuse except that I didn't feel like it...and these days, that's about all the excuse I need. I had a wonderfully lazy weekend. Friday night we watched 4 straight episodes of The Wire. We have one disc left to go in Season 4, then on to Season 5...and then I'll FINALLY have finished the entire series after I saw my first episode 2 years ago. This show is awesome, btw.

But, my favorite part of the weekend was the cooking/baking i did. First up, I made chili - which was bomb! It was veggie chili with black beans, kidney beans, bulgur wheat, corn and some other veggies i had that needed to be used. Seriously it was so yummy...and I got a cornbread mix from TJ's (yes, i should have made it from scratch, but TJ's didn't have cornmeal...next time I'll plan ahead tho) and that made it even better! Nix and I have been buying different spices to expand our repertoire and I finally got to use cumin. You really don't realize how much spices add to a dish until you start cooking and experimenting. Cumin smells like tacos and tasted great in the chili. I didn't actually have chili powder, so I used some extra red pepper flakes and a bit of chili pepper sauce instead. The bulgur wheat was a really cool touch...it almost seemed like I was eating ground beef/turkey :-) (btw, i'm not a vegetarian, i just don't eat that much meat.)


I also made quinoa banana bread. Again, sounds funky, but actually quite good. If you haven't noticed, I like to make sort of unusual dishes sometimes. I know what regular banana bread/regular chili taste like, so i enjoy trying out new recipes - especially ones that are healthy. For those of you who've never heard of quinoa (pronounced KEEN-wah), it was the staple food of the Inca Empire and boasts a ridiculous amount of health benefits - for example, it's a protein powerhouse! It's sort of like couscous, but way more versatile - I ate it yesterday as a side dish, and used it to bake a banana loaf!! I'm gonna make a few of my own tweaks to the recipe, and try it again soon.


As you can see, a large part of my weekend was spent cooking (and eating!). Nix and I recently re-discovered our love for cooking and baking, which was instilled in us from a young age when we would bake with our mom. I've talked about this a bit in a previous post, but i think it deserves revisiting. My mom LOVES to cook. Her cookbook and gadget collections used to be out of control...and now I know why! My childhood memories are somewhat limited (not sure why, very odd), but I do clearly remember baking with my mom. We would make cookies, cupcakes, muffins, cinnamon rolls, waffles, pancakes...all from scratch! My mom even had a mini donut maker lol. We had an iced tea maker, an ice cream maker, a bread machine, a flour grinder, a yogurt maker (at the time i thought this was gross), a pizzelle (italian cookie) machine...if it involved baking, we had it. My mom was so good at getting us and involved and letting us help her.

She also was really particular about using the best quality ingredients, no matter how expensive they were. And even though she would cut down on sugar, she never used artificial products. She's actually really snobby about "fake" stuff. One time she called a restaurant just to ask if they got their desserts from the freezer section of Cost-U-Less (the Caribbean verson of CostCo)...the person hung up on her. This is her go-to question when we go out to eat. She's generally a really picky/annoying (love u mom!) restaurant guest, but you gotta love that she appreciates real food and cares about what she puts in her body. A lot of her tips and cooking habits have passed down to me and Nix. Btw, a nerdy added benefit of all this baking? I know my fractions really, really well :-)

Basically, baking with my mom is right up there as one of my favorite childhood memories...it may actually be the favorite memory. I don't remember if I've mentioned this yet, but I'm going to spend the whole summer at home (in St. Thomas). I can't wait to cook/bake with my mom again. Nix and I are also planning to do weekly lessons with my Aunt (known in the family for her off-the-chain cooking).

What is your favorite childhood memory? Is there anyway you can recreate the happiness you associate with those memories? For example, my cooking reminds me of those times and makes me even happier. Did you know that simply remembering happy times from the past is a great way to boost happiness in the present????

Ok, for today's *big chune* you know i had to do something about moms right? I'm sure everyone's go-to "mom song" is by Boyz II Men (or Sizzla for all my reggae heads), but I like to be different so instead I'm going with Jah Cure, This One's for You. I'm a BIG Jah Cure fan...you'll definitely be hearing more of his stuff here.


But I also really like Gyptian's song, Mama, so yall get a bonus chune today


:-D