would you rather become parapalegic or win the lottery? (natural v. synthetic happiness)

This week my brother sent me an interesting talk on happiness given by Harvard Psychology Professor Dan Gilbert. He's also the author of the book Stumbling on Happiness, which I just added to my GoodReads.com to-read list. For those of you who don't feel like watching the whole clip, that's what I'm here for :-)

Basic premise: Our "psychological immune system" lets us feel truly happy even when things don’t go as planned.

Gilbert begins by explaining that the prefrontal cortex -- which developed over time as human brains grew larger -- allows people to "have experiences in their heads, before they try them out in real life." More generally, the basic functions of the prefrontal cortex relate to abilities to:

• differentiate among conflicting thoughts
• determine good and bad, better and best, same and different
• think through the future consequences of current activities
• work toward a defined goal
• "predict" expected outcomes, based on actions
• exhibit social "control" (suppress urges that, if not suppressed, could lead to socially-unacceptable outcomes)

Of course, there are some glitches associated with these abilities...we are human after all. One of these is the notion of impact bias, which is the tendency for the simulator (prefrontal cortex) to make us believe that different outcomes (for example, getting or not getting job X) are more different than they actually are. In actuality, different outcomes tend to have less impact, intensity, duration than people expect them to have. A really interesting example given in the talk is the choice between becoming a paraplegic and winning the lottery. Pretty much all of us would go for the money!! But, a year after becoming paraplegic/winning the lottery, the two groups of people had generally the same level of happiness! Somewhat surprisingly, studies of
the experience of major life traumas suggest that if it happened over 3 months ago (with some exceptions) it has almost no impact. 

Now for the crux of it all....it turns out that happiness can be synthesized. We each have a psychological immune system that helps us change our views on the world so we can feel better about the world we find ourselves in. This reminds me a lot of Gretchen Rubin's commandment to Act the way you want to feel. Basically, "by acting as if you feel a certain way, you induce that emotion in yourself." Try it sometime!! Right now, for example. If you think to yourself, what a great day...and walk around like you're the ish...chances are you'll feel like your day is indeed a great one!

(Aside - this may not always work lol...Some friends of Nix and mine came to visit last year and I randomly stuck a post-it note on the door a few days earlier that said "today is gonna be a great day"...i thought it would be nice to leave home every day with that in mind...so the two friends go outside to move their car from our lot -- which is permit-only parking, btw -- and on the way out one of them reads my post-it and says aloud "it already has been!!"...2 minutes later we get a call from them that they can't find their car...it got towed!!! LOLOL....now i know you're wondering how this is funny....but actually it still ended up being a great day...we had quite an adventure going to get the car and doing other fun stuff...moral of the story...ish happens, get over it we're not victims of the world, we're victims of the way we view the world...so don't be a victim!...or something like that...whatever you take away from this story, it's one of my favorite memories and we still crack up thinking about it. )

Ok, back to Gilbert's talk. The idea of synthesized happiness is that we think it is a thing to be found, but really we can make our own happiness. We can synthesize happiness.

• natural happiness - what we get when we get what we want
• synthetic happiness - what we make when we don't get what we want

We all believe natural happiness is more valuable/better than synthetic happiness. Actually, when we want something more, we may even like it less...because want does not equal like, and vice versa. An interesting concept related to this is paradox of choice. Gilbert asserts that "freedom to choose is the enemy of synthetic happiness." Apparently, our psychological immune system works best when we can't choose, when we are stuck with a certain good/situation....you find a way to be happy with what's happened or what you've received. When life gives you lemons...

Gilbert does concede, however, that some things are better than others and we should have preferences...but when they drive us too hard and fast because we've overrated the difference between futures/outcomes we're at risk (for disappointment, discontent, unhappiness). He adds that longings and worries are both to some degree overblown, because we have ability to manufacture the thing we're constantly chasing when we choose between experiences.


This whole discussion also reminds me of the arrival fallacy, which Gretchen Rubin also talks about in her book/blog. Tal Ben-Shahar, a prominent positive psychologist, explains this as the belief that once you arrive at a certain destination, you'll be happy. We think: "if i could just X, everything would be perfect, i'd be happy, etc." Actually, arriving rarely makes you as happy as you anticipate :-/

It seems that working toward a goal can be a more powerful source of happiness than achieving it. (I know postpartum depression is complicated, but anyone else see the link here?) Finishing or accomplishing something can sometimes be a letdown. With all this in mind, try to focus on happiness in the present, in the atmosphere of growth afforded by making gradual progress toward a goal (pre-goal attainment positive affect).This can be difficult when the thing you're waiting for is something like a job. Obviously, worrying about where your income will come from is a huge boon to happiness, but for argument's sake, let's say we're talking about other sorts of goals. (For me, this idea applies to my grad school plans.)

Bottom line here: Don't be a victim. You can synthesize your own happiness. Nourish your psychological immune system like you would your biological immune system. Enjoy Now. 


Today's *big chune* is from one of the sickest riddims of all time - drop leap riddim. OMG there are sooo many big chunes on this riddim! Intoxication by German reggae artist Gentlemen is one of my favs. Btw, how awesome/crazy is it that this dude is straight German and has cred as an authentic conscious reggae artist?!


:-D
 

beauty of the butterfly

Yesterday i had a conversation with an acquaintance that really drained me...actually most of the conversations i have with this person drain me...this is probably why i refer to them as an acquaintance rather than a friend (lol). In any case, we were discussing several things - including my relationship status (willingly and happily single, whereas when we first met 2 years ago i was interested in being in a relationship - not with them, just generally), career status (in flux - waiting for school decisions), and religious views (don't really have any, whereas before i identified as a Christian)...and they were noting how these things have changed over the time I have known them (and to some degree, over the few years before this - as i have told them a bit about my college experiences). This person proceeded to ask me (somewhat rudely IMO, but that's their M.O.) whether there is anything in my life and/or about me that has remained constant over the past few years.

Of course this caught me off-guard and actually kind of rubbed me the wrong way. After a second to think, I sort of brushed aside their comment by saying that as a 23-year old I don't feel I'm much different (in that regard) from most other people in my age group/life stage category. I'm not the same person I was in high school, my freshman year of college, or even last year. The experiences I've had have shaped me into the person I am right now at this moment...but I don't expect that the person I am right now is necessarily who I will be in the future. I still have a lot to learn and a lot of growing left. Actually, I think that's part of life...continually adjusting to where you are in your life, and (while certain personality traits may stay constant) shifting the way you see yourself and interact with your environment.

All of this got me thinking about one of my favorite psychology subjects -- Erik Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development -- which is one of the best-known theories of personality in psychology. Much like Freud, Erikson believed that personality develops in a series of stages; however, unlike Freud’s theory of psychosexual stages, Erikson's theory describes the impact of social experience across the whole lifespan. This concept seems much more applicable to me than the concept that (for example) issues with potty training can spill over into later life.

One of the main elements of Erikson’s psychosocial stage theory is the development of ego identity - the conscious sense of self that we develop through social interaction. According to Erikson, our ego identity is constantly changing due to new experience and information we acquire in our daily interactions with others. In addition to ego identity, Erikson believed that a sense of competence also motivates behaviors and actions. Each stage in Erikson’s theory is concerned with becoming competent in an area of life. In each stage, Erikson believed people experience a "conflict" that serves as a turning point in development. These conflicts are centered on either developing, or failing to develop, a psychological quality.

Each of the stages are very interesting, but I'm just going to highlight the three that I think are most applicable to me/people my age.

Psychosocial Stage 5 - Identity vs. Confusion (or Diffusion)

• During adolescence, children are exploring their independence and developing a sense of self.
• Those who receive proper encouragement and reinforcement through personal exploration will emerge from this stage with a strong sense of self and a feeling of independence and control.
• Those who remain unsure of their beliefs and desires will insecure and confused about themselves and the future.

Psychosocial Stage 6 - Intimacy vs. Isolation

• This stage covers the period of early adulthood when people are exploring personal relationships.
• Erikson believed it was vital that people develop close, committed relationships with other people. Those who are successful at this step will develop relationships that are committed and secure. 
• Because each step builds on skills learned in previous steps, Erikson believed that a strong sense of personal identity was important to developing intimate relationships. Studies have demonstrated that those with a poor sense of self tend to have less committed relationships and are more likely to suffer emotional isolation, loneliness, and depression.

Psychosocial Stage 7 - Generativity vs. Stagnation

• During adulthood, we continue to build our lives, focusing on our career and family.
• Those who are successful during this phase will feel that they are contributing to the world by being active in their home and community. Those who fail to attain this skill will feel unproductive and uninvolved in the world.

The most interesting thing to me about the Human Growth and Development course I took last semester (night class at community college) was learning and thinking about these stages. In particular, I was able to incorporate them into a paper I wrote on mixed-race identity development. The stage of identity versus role confusion is especially salient for people of mixed racial/ethnic/cultural heritage because we tend to shift our identities more (over the lifespan) than monoracial individuals. I know this from experience. My "mixed-ness" is a subject that deserves its own post, so for now suffice it to say that my racial identity has definitely been a shifting area for me...something that I reflect on often and give a lot of thought to...(heck, i want to study mixed-race identity in grad school!)...and something that has subsequently influenced my overall identity and sense of self. Though the above bullet points discuss identity versus confusion as applying to adolescence, these stages are not like clockwork...so people achieve identity at different points in their lives. While I do think I have a strong sense of self right now, I don't know that I feel 100% about who I am and what I'm about. It's still something I'm figuring out. (For the record, this is not solely about being biracial, and i'm not going through an identity crisis.) Which is fine, because Erikson saw the stages as a continuum, with identity and confusion at opposing ends. (I love when people leave room for the grey area hehe). So, less than 100% is perfectly ok.

At the same time, I do think that it's important to have a firm grasp on one stage before venturing to the next one. Having said that, I don't at all think I suffer from emotional isolation, loneliness, or depression (as listed above as a negative consequence of identity confusion/diffusion)...nope, not at all! But it is interesting to think about how this may influence my moving on to Stage 6 - intimacy versus isolation...dun dun dun!! (quite a dramatic stage title, no?) I'll probably write about that at some point...don't feel like it at the moment.

Now for my initial comment about how I see lots of interconnection in my life. This morning Nix forwarded me the Real Simple Quote of the day (which I also subscribe to, but she wanted to bring it to my attention):
 “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”

When I read this quote, I had sort of already been thinking about today's blog post, but after reading it I was further inspired. It really helps to think of the stages of metamorphosis that the caterpillar goes through to become the butterfly...just like we all go through transitions and transformations over the course of our lives to become the people we are (or will be). Unlike the butterfly, however, I don't think we ever get to an ultimate end result (unless you consider that to be whoever you are right before you die). Instead, I'd like to think of it more like we become butterflies and then perhaps our wing patterns change depending on our surroundings. (That's obviously not biologically/scientifically sound but just roll with me, mmk?)

Lots to ponder!!

Today's *big chune* is from British singer Adele...I love her voice and her music...of course, I had a hard time choosing which song to highlight today, but I went with Right as Rain because it's a fun song, after such a reflective and personal post. She'll definitely show up again

thoughts about faith, religion, spirituality

The other night I went to see the movie The Book of Eli. It was pretty good and of course thought-provoking. Without giving anything away, the movie is set sometime in the future (something like 30 or so yrs from now I guess) after maybe a nuclear war or something (the audience was left to fill in a lot of the details lol)...anyway, the planet (or is it just the US?) is basically destroyed and the population that is alive is largely composed of (what we would consider) uncivilized illiterates. There is no law, order, government...essentially no society of which to speak.

Ok it's hard not to give too much away if I want to discuss it meaningfully...so if you haven't seen it and you plan to, just read this after you watch it ;-)

The movie follows Denzel Washington as he travels West on his mission to keep The Book (which we discover is The Bible) protected and deliver it to where it will be safe/appreciated. It's the last Bible left on the planet! The evil dude in the movie wants to use it in an "opiate of the masses" type way, while Denzel simply wants to keep it safe and let it's teachings live on...but by the end of the movie he realizes that by trying so hard to protect it, he hasn't actually been sharing the word with anyone....etc. etc. ...you get the point. There are some interesting parallels with the state of religion today. In particular, at one point a character asks Denzel why all the other Bibles were destroyed, and he responds that some people thought the Bible was the reason for the war in the first place....interesante no?


Another interesting point that my friend brought up is that when Denzel finally reaches his destination, The Bible (which actually ended up being transcribed based on Denzel's memorization of it, since the evil dude gets the real copy of the Bible) is added to a bookshelf along with other works of literature...and placed alongside The Qur'an, The Torah, and the other books of religious teachings. A strong point in such a seemingly insignificant few seconds of the movie.


After the movie, we ended up on the subject of our own faith...mine in particular, b/c I already knew where he stands on the subject. To sum up, I'm at a place right now where I simply don't know what i believe. That may sound crazy, but if you recall I'm a very grey-area kinda gal. It's honestly not a part of my life that I've given much thought recently. I grew up in a Christian household...going to church and Sunday School most weeks. I have a good knowledge of the Bible. In college, I was in the Gospel Choir and went to church almost weekly (by choice obviously). I stopped going to church right around the time I graduated from GTown and haven't gotten back into the practice since.

At this point in my life, I don't consider myself to be religious. Actually, to be honest, I am wary of people who are "religious." I've been so turned of my organized religion that I just don't know what to make of it all. Hypocritical Christians - those who don't quite seem to live up to the lives they "should" (based on teachings) - have sort of ruined Christianity for me. Now, I realize that we "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," so I'm not talking about those Christians who are striving for a good life and realize their failings...I'm talking more about those judgmental, holier-than-thou Christians who believe they are better than the next person, simply because they believe in God and attend church service on a regular basis.

I think what it boils down to is that I don't feel sufficiently convinced that Christianity is the "right" or "only" way to incorporate faith and spirituality into one's life. I also think spirituality is something deeply personal that should be the result of reflection and education, rather than one's upbringing. In other words, I don't want to be a Christian simply because my parents are. When I feel ready/inspired, I want to familiarize myself with the different faiths/religious teachings of the world. Should I be a Christian simply because I am and English-speaking American? I say no. I should be "fill-in-the-blank" because of a conscious decision on my part, not by default.

Having said all this, I don't yet feel that inspiration to figure all this out. It's interesting that I saw this movie recently and am writing this post because a friend of my sister just wrote a post on her site related to the subject. After reading The Happiness Project (due to Nix's recommendation), she is left wondering whether Gretchen Rubin is missing something --> a spiritual component to her quest. (Aside - It's funny how people can read the same thing and have different take-aways...I think this is why joining a book-club would be super interesting! Maybe I'll work on that...) Anywho, this got me thinking even more. Plus, a few weeks ago, a friend of mine saw a similar gap in the discussion of happiness, and suggested I read the book Have a Little Faith, by Mitch Albom. I read his book The Five People You Meet in Heaven and really liked it, so I definitely will check it out. Maybe even this weekend...seems like there are a lot of "signs" nudging me to explore the issue. (Btw, I'm always looking for book recommendations, so let me know if you have any - on this or any subject.) Thoughts??

On a random not-exactly--related note, check out this blog post on Freakonomics about parents who "fake" Christianity for the sake of their kids.

For today's *big chune* I'm going with the theme again. Up until I lost my ipod I still had some Gospel songs on it, because I think the music is beautiful and I appreciate the message. There are some amazing gospel songs that do give me a goose-bump feeling. (btw, it's really hard for me to pick these, because it's like I'm picking a favorite song, which I am terrible at.) Today's song is from the Kurt Carr Singers, called For Every Mountain...I wish I knew the woman's name cuz she kills this song!!


:-)
  

"don't call us, we'll call you"...or not

I forgot to mention in my post yesterday how happy I am that the weather is starting to warm up! For the first time in a while I was able to leave home without a big jacket....all I needed was a long sleeved tee and a hoodie...The sun was shining...I even heard birds chirping! IMMD :-)

Last week I subscribed to the Psychology Times blog. I'm liking it so far, but there are way too many posts per day...so after traveling this weekend I had to hit the dreaded "Mark all as read" button. (It stresses me out when I have hundreds of unread bolded items in my Reader lol.) One article did pop out at me though. Sophia Dembling, who writes regularly for PT and has her own section, The Introvert's Corner, wrote about how much she hates the phone. I feel her on this lol. (btw, I'm a big fan of her blog; I plan to do some follow-up posts on introversion, and the introverted life.)

In middle/high school when everyone was chatting it up with boys all night, I wasn't. Just wasn't my thing. It still isn't. I find it very forced/annoying. I was in a LDR and to be perfectly honest, the nightly phone calls weren't exactly the highlight of my day...it had nothing to do with the person per se...it just felt like a task/chore/obligation :-/ Don't get me wrong, I can enjoy conversations with the same people in person, I just don't like the phone. At least email/im/texting allows you the ability to multitask, and removes the pressure to have nonstop communication during the course of the conversation. Plus, I don't really care exactly what you're doing/eating/watching, what you just did/ate, what you are going to do/eat/watch...you get the point. I hope this doesn't come across sounding harsh, but it is what it is.

And just so you know it really is a phone thing, Nix and I don't even do well over the phone. When she has gone home for the past two summers and I have stayed in DC, we talk maybe once a week...If that! And for like 10 minutes at a time. If we can't even maintain a phone-based relationship, that's not a good sign for anyone else lol. There are a few slight exceptions to this rule. I have almost weekly calls w/ one of my besties from Gtown. We also sometimes randomly check in via email/text. Other than that, I have my Sunday afternoon calls w/ Pops, the random checkins from Mommy, and the once-in-a-while times I stalk my other sis who still lives back in STT. I rarely talk to my brothers on the phone. Actually, a few weeks back the youngest of my 3 older brothers called me to shoot the breeze and I had to ask to make sure he hadn't called just to ask (for) something. hehe.

Anywho, back to the article. The author shares some of her reasons (text is copied, not my words) for hating the phone:

• The phone is intrusive. It rings and we are expected to tear our minds away from whatever they were focusing on and refocus on whoever is on the other end of the line and whatever he or she has to say. This makes my brain hurt. My mind doesn't change direction easily.

• Most phone calls are chit-chatty rather than deep. And we all agree: introverts don't like chit-chat. I have one friend who starts every call by asking, "Whatcha you doin'?" I have no idea how to answer, except with "Nuthin'" or "Workin'" or "Cleaning the schumtz out of my computer keyboard." And I can't imagine that any of these answers could interest her, so the call immediately feels awkward. I do have friends with whom phone conversations get deep and I enjoy those, but they require a block of time. When that kind of call ambushes me, it derails my whole day. I try to schedule them--and even so, a certain amount of bullet biting is necessary for me to keep the appointment.

• Introverts tend to be slow thinkers and responders and long pauses don't go over well on the phone. If I am on the phone with a talkative person, I struggle to get my say. I end up doing a lot of listening and uh-huhing. After a while, I get bored.

• It can be difficult to focus a busy, busy introvert mind on the abstraction that is telephone conversation. Listening to one thing and seeing something else is a lot of sensory input piled on top of everything that's already going on in our heads. This is exhausting and my mind often drifts back into itself; I have to force it back to the conversation.

I basically agree with her reasons. I am somewhat ashamed (but not really) to admit that I am one of those people who sometimes "silences" a phone call rather than picking up, even when I'm not technically busy (it's better than pressing the "ignore" button though, right?!). I've done this to everyone under the sun, so really not a reason to be offended.

Some people are 'phone people.' I really think Roomie is a phone person even though she denies it lol. I am not a phone person...and making this clear to people helps me help them understand how i operate. What about you guys? Are any of you phone people? Are there certain people you can/can't 'do the phone' with? What are your preferred modes of communication?

For today's *big chune* I wanted to go with something related to the post. The first song that popped into my head was Alicia Keys' How Come You Don't Call Me?....but I think New Edition's Mr. Telephone Man is way more fun...I was at Jin (lounge in DC) one time and they played this...IMMD!


:-D

UT visit recap

Howdy yall! See, I'd fit right in at UT ;-)


I got back yesterday from my interview visit to UT. Overall, the experience was definitely a positive one. Out of a pool of around 180 applicants (they average 150-200 each year), they selected around 30 of us to come and meet the faculty.


First up, we had a welcome event with current and prospective students. I had to totally set aside any shy tendencies I have...I simply walked up to the first person I saw and introduced myself. (That's basically what I did all weekend lol.) The actual interviews (we each had 3 interviews with a member of the faculty) were pretty informal and felt more like conversations than interviews. The "important" interview was the one with the faculty whose research interests most closely aligned to mine (which, btw, is looking at the experience and impact of racial/ethnic identity development for individuals of mixed-race or mixed-culture background). It turns out that he was biracial as well! Obviously I don't expect this to help/harm me either way, but it was a nice coincidence. He seemed very interested in the subject.


I really enjoyed meeting the current and prospective students. I didn't get to see too much of the city, but I saw a bit of the campus - which is straight up huuuuge! Over 50,000 students; over 300 acres.


Now that I've interviewed it's more waiting. While I feel good about how the interviews went, I don't by any means feel that my acceptance is a sure thing. They should be announcing admission decisions within the next 1-2 weeks....but it's somewhat complicated because an offer could be made to someone who decides not to accept, which would open back up that spot.


I have my other interview 2 weeks from this Friday. I will definitely be disappointed (not to mention embarrased lol) if I don't get into any of the grad schools, but I understood from the beginning that this was going to be a stretch. In any case, I'm proud of how far I've gotten in the process, and all I can do is hope for the best. Que sera, sera!



Today's *big chune* comes from reggae artist Tessane Chin, most well-known for another serious big chune "Hideaway" . She was on my mind because she does lead vocals in the new Haiti tribute song by Caribbean artists. This one is called "Messenger."



:-D
 

Posting from my phone. My interviews went well. Back to DC manana. I'll write more then :)

Austin here I come!

Hey yall!

No real post today...I'm getting ready to head out to Austin for my first grad school interview....yikes! Hopefully I'll have some good news to share sometime soon. I don't expect that I'll be blogging while I'm out there, so look for the next post on Saturday or Sunday....Holla!

today's *big chune* is pretty fitting....it's called "Closer" by Goapele. Love this song...and if you're looking for more good Goapele, check out "First Love" another big chune. By the way, she's also mixed lol...mother is Jewish, father is South African :-)